5 habits to avoid in a relationship

1. Self- impairment – Sometimes there are so many awful things in our world that have us believing that when something goes right for us, just around the corner is the big bad ugly disasters that seem to find us no matter where we go.  You have to believe that your relationship is forever.  Bringing positive vibes to your relationship can only help it.  Leave the negativity behind and deal with the disasters when they come to you.  Do not spend your relationship expecting it to fail or be attacked by obstacles.

2. Jealousy – Your partner is always going to have friends or acquaintances of the opposite sex (or same sex depending on your personal attraction).  It is important that you do not let jealousy restrict your partner from his/her right to their own friends.  Just because your partner is polite to or acknowledges someone you may see as a threat, does not mean that there is actually anything to suspect.  Expecting little everyday occurrences to mean more then what they are is detrimental to your relationship.

3. Ignoring the outside world – When you are in a new relationship sometimes it is hard to see outside of it.  But it is important to remember those people who have great importance to you outside of that romantic relationship.  Friends and family are still of value. It is important for both parties in a relationship to have their own lives and contacts outside of what you both share. 

4. The social media trap – Relationships are a lot of hard work and often contain speed bumps along the way.  Whining about your problems to the whole world is no way to solve issues.  It is poison to a relationship when a disagreement or personal argument goes viral.  No solution will ever come from airing out those times that are less than perfect.

5. Loss of communication – Point #4 brings us to the equally important point #5.  One way of avoiding those speed bumps is to communicate to each other.  If your partner is doing something that is hurting your feelings it is them that need to know, not your Facebook or twitter friends.  Your partner is the only person who can change what it is that is being done to upset you.  Don’t just talk to your partner about those light hearted topics.  Part of a healthy relationship is being able to talk about those things that really matter, even if they cause a little discomfort at the time of the discussion, they will do wonders for your relationship in the long run.  

10 Signs you are not over your ex

To everyone who has ever been heartbroken, it is a disappointment to know that there is no set time frame for when you no longer suffer these signs that are to follow. The fact of the matter is, love hurts.  When it comes to failed relationships there is no such thing as simple fixes to mend a broken heart. Many suppress the initial hurt to protect themselves from feeling the excruciation.  But when all inevitably slows down, there’s nowhere to hide.  Here are 10 signs that you are not over your ex.  There is no shame in this.  Hang in there.  Don’t let yourself give up on finding your smile again.

1. Everything still reminds you of them. 
You cannot get through a day without seeing, hearing, eating or smelling something that reminds you of that special dish your ex cooked, songs that you both listened to or sang, a scent they wore or places you went together. If you feel the need to change the radio station when particular songs come on or you avoid places that were regular hangouts for you, this is a real indication that you have not let go of your ex.

2. You think you see them everywhere.
No matter where you are or what you are doing you catch a glimpse of a reflective shirt, certain type of vehicle, or particular body build and all of a sudden you feel your heart pick up  pace and you feel weak in the knees. Then you realise… it’s not them at all. You feel relieved and disappointed in equal measure.

3. You don’t notice other people’s interest in you.
Someone new is trying to get close to you and you don’t even notice. All you can think about is your past. Your future feels like a black hole without your ex and blindly you shut out opportunities that are right in front of you.

4. You compare everyone to them.
You cannot meet someone of the opposite sex without comparing them to your ex. You spend more time picking out or noticing the similarities they have to your ex instead of noticing their individuality. No-one will ever be good enough if you measure them up against someone else.  Everyone deserves better then that.

5. You constantly cyber stalk them.
You have deleted them from Facebook for your own emotional stability, but that doesn’t stop you from checking their wall... even if it’s just to see their picture for the millionth time, because you can no longer access anything else.

6. You can’t part with gifts they gave you.
You find yourself holding on to the mementos from your relationship. You are just not ready to throw away the memories. Keeping these tokens keeps you connected to the person you have lost.

7. You fantasize about being reunited. 
You find yourself fantasizing about ways your ex would come back into your life to reunite what you had. Ways they would express their undying love for you and want to start all over again and spend the rest of their lives with you…..

8. You are still trying to figure out what went wrong. 
You still play over every conversation, action or hiccup that went down in your relationship, trying to find signs of where it went wrong and what you could have done to make your ex want to stay with you. Wondering if there was something you could have said to have guaranteed your connections survival, preventing you from this ultimate demise.

9. They still come up in most conversations. 
You cannot help but talk about them. “He/she used to do this”, “He/she would have loved this.” You speak of them as if they are still the most important person in your world.

10. You become the Green Eyed Monster. 
The thought of your ex meeting someone else breaks your heart and you harbour jealousy of all those people that still get to be in his/her life.

Is it wise to stay friends after a break-up?

Whether a break-up is messy or not remaining friends after a failed relationship is hard.  Some may even deem the idea un-realistic.  It is easy to turn a friendship into love, but harder if not impossible to remain friends after a  relationship has come to an end.  Here are a few reasons that staying friends with an ex is nothing more than a bad idea.

Residual feelings – There are still residual feelings that prevent you from moving on as you should.  As long as you are interacting with your ex, you will hold on to these feelings and be preventing yourself from letting go and starting fresh.  A broken relationship is much like grieving; you have to let yourself go through the process or you will never come to terms with the loss. 

“It’s just sex” – Break up sex is practically unavoidable when two people remain friends after a relationship.  If you are both of a active healthy sexual appetite it will be hard for you to avoid your sexual urges.  And although the dumpee tells themselves that it’s just body parts, on a microscopic level, they are keeping the bond alive even if they do not want to admit it.  Being so close to your ex keeps the relationship alive.

You will not find mr/mrs right – In the end, all you are doing is opening yourself up to more pain and prolonging the hurt that comes with an ended relationship. There is a reason that you are no longer together.  Acceptance is the only way to put it in the past and having that constant reminder in your life of a failed love is damaging.  You will need that distance to find the right person for you.

Wishful thinking – If you were the dumpee you will always hold hope that your ex will change their mind about how they feel about your relationship.  The dumper is the one who initiates the “let’s be friends” idea, but will always keep the dumpee in the past.  Don’t waste time on someone who failed to see your potential and worth.   

I cannot tell you what is best for you or what you need during such a painful time.  And I am the first to admit how hard this advice is to follow.  But deep down I know it is best for me.  It just takes time to be open to letting go.  I can however tell you that I have wasted many years trying to prove to myself that keeping an ex in my life was possible.  Experience has proved me wrong.  Even if you can find that medium, once either of you find someone else the friendship becomes void.   So much time and effort wasted for something that can’t possibly last.

I will leave you with the words of Carrie Bradshaw: “The most important break-up rule.  No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends.”  Take as much time as you need to say goodbye to your past and greet your future with an enthusiastic hello.

Tips to help you move on after a break-up

Breaking up with someone, or having being left by someone can bring on so many different emotions.  Not all of them are engaging.  There are a few things to bear in mind throughout these complicated times that will make it easier to accept realities and have you heading in the right direction towards something brand new.  If a relationship doesn’t work out for you, then there is typically a reason for this.  Be honest with yourself and allow yourself to discover what these reasons are.  Do not throw in the towel surrendering to an illusive idea that you were meant to end up alone.  Things may get worse before they get better, but they will work out in the end.

Time out - Take some time to yourself to reflect on your current circumstances.  Whether you were the person to end the relationship or not, it is a good idea to take the time to mirror what has happened.  Let out any residual feelings of anger, sadness or resentment.  Take some time for yourself and do not be afraid to cry and/or feel sorry for yourself.  Do not force yourself to be over an ended relationship whether it was by you own choosing or not.  Cutting the cord does not mean that it is any less painful or difficult to accept the reasons of your decision.  Take the time to spotlight what went wrong and what it is that you seek in any future relationships. 

Take it a day at a time - The longer you are with someone, the more intense your feelings for each other become.  You become a part of each other and finding yourself separate from them can be quiet difficult to re-adapt too.  It can leave you feeling like your world no longer makes sense.  This can take time to feel normal again and re-discover who you are without that person by your side.  Do not put unrealistic expectations and time limits on your healing.  There is no rush.  Take each day as it comes and with time, each day will become that little bit easier than the one before it.

No regrets - Regretting events of the past is pointless.  What’s done is done and you have to open your eyes to the possibilities of your future.  It will not bring any benefit to your life to stew on regrets and will only leave you viewing things negatively, keeping you in that place of unhappiness.  Keep positive thoughts and leave bitterness behind and make the most of all those things in your life that you cherish.

Don’t fear moving on - Just because a relationship did not work out does not mean that you have failed.  Do not be afraid to go down that road again.  New relationships can be scary and some people put up walls to protect themselves, but if you don’t let the bricks fall down and allow someone in to really get to know you, then you will never experience the excitement that comes along with meeting someone new. Not everyone you meet thinks like the exes of your past, which means it doesn't necessary imply your past experiences will repeat themselves.

Talk it out - In a break-up, particularly a regretful or unwanted one, emotional support is an important part of moving forward.  After the initial time out from it all, talk it out with your friends and family. Keep busy and avoid being in situations that give you too much time to think about what has happened.  This will only make you relive the occurrence over and over again.  Instead surround yourself with people who will refuse to let you see anything other than the reasons it did not work.

Trust you made the right decision (if you opted out) - If you have made the decision to walk away from your partner there is every chance that you have come to that conclusion for a reason.  Whether it was a rash decision or one that you had been thinking about for a while. Perhaps you were feeling like you deserve better, were over the lies, feel out of love with that person, distance was too much to bear, or just merely that you and your partner wanted different things in life and you didn't want to give up your dreams and sacrifice what you wanted for the sake of someone else.  Break-ups happen for many different reasons and at the end of the day, the cause is rarely unfounded. Do not let your ex make you feel guilty or question what you want.  Everybody deserves to live life the way they choose, not the way someone else wants them too.  It is your life and your heart and if you are not happy with who you are with, then what is the point?

It is not the end of the world (if your partner opted out) - There is one reassuring way to look at a relationship that has ended without your control or approval.  You have to ask yourself, “Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me?”  Everybody deserves to be with someone who couldn't imagine life without them by their side.  Do not grovel or over grieve for someone who does not feel this way about you. And perhaps most importantly, do not contact your ex.  This will only prevent you from taking the necessary steps to move on to the next chapter of your love life.  You may not see it yet, but something new and electrifying is on the next page waiting for you when you’re good and ready.

Building Trust in a Relationship

Trust or emotional safety in a relationship can often be a very difficult emotion to master, particularly for those who have been hurt and/or betrayed in previous relationships.  Time does not always heal wounds of our past.  Regardless, the fact of the matter is that trust is the basis of any relationship.  If you cannot trust someone you cannot have a healthy relationship with them, as these trust issues will end up destroying the relationship. It may not happen right away, though slowly but surely it will be what breaks you apart.  In order to be in a happy relationship you have to be willing to work on a mutual trust.  Here are a few pointers in building trust in your relationship for those of you who find that trust does not come naturally to you.

Be Honest – Number one rule in building trust in a relationship is merely to continuously be honest with your partner.  If your partner senses that you are being deceitful this will make it harder for them to trust you.  We do not always like what we hear but it will be a comfort to know that honesty is applied in every instance.  There is no room for secrets or lies in a healthy relationship.

Communication – Express your needs and feelings on situations with your partner.  If jealousy occurs let your partner know how it makes you feel.  They are then aware of your feelings and will take measures to let you know that there is nothing to worry about.  Give your partner a chance to set you straight and always be clear and completely honest about how you are feeling and listen carefully to their concerns in return.

Don’t hold your partner accountable for others actions – As much as you wish you could control every situation, it is unrealistic to believe this is possible.  Do not hold your partner accountable for others actions in any situation no matter how hurtful.  Your partner cannot change anyone’s feelings or events anymore then you yourself can.

Be reliable – In order for someone to surrender to trust they need to know that their partner is reliable.  If you say you are going to be somewhere, be there.  If you say you are going to do something for your partner, do it.  If you can rely on someone it makes it easier to trust them.

Don’t go to bed angry – Never let issues go unresolved.  If trust issues or jealousy occurs between you and your partner do not try and avoid the issues.  Although the conversation may not be desired it is mandatory to address them before they get even larger.  Resentment stems from feeling unheard or failing to deal with a problem.

Forget the past – Do not compare new relationships to the old ones.  Just because your previous partner may have hurt you, does not mean that your new one is even remotely capable of making the same mistakes.  Do not lay that burden on them; it is not their burden to bear. 

Remember nobody is perfect - Acknowledge that nobody is perfect and that happenings can often be different to how they appear.  Discover and compliment your partner’s qualities.  Belief in each other will facilitate trust building in any relationship.

Love is all about losing yourself in your feelings.  Take the leap and have faith that everything will work out the way it is meant too.  Building trust is not always easy and requires on-going work to keep it afloat, but it is important to remember there is no point in worrying about something that may never come to pass.  Live in the present and appreciate the happier moments of life. 

We would love your thoughts on this article. Please leave your comments below.

The first time you say "I Love You"

Saying “I Love You” for the first time in a relationship is a big step.  Many people pro-long revealing their feelings for fear that it may be too soon for their partner to hear and that it is going to freak them out or scare them off.  Here is some advice for those who are thinking of expressing the three magic words that are the basis of every novel Nicholas Sparks has ever written. These three simple words can make way for many avenues in a relationship.

Take the risk – A significant thing to remember when you reach this point in your relationship is that there is no time frame for how long it takes someone to fall in love and more importantly there is no rule to who goes first.  When you feel it, you feel it and there is no need to keep your partner in the dark about it.  Make the choice to take a leap of faith and disclose your feelings.  There is no greater emotion then the knowledge that you are loved.  Once these words have been said, there is no going back so make sure you mean them. Do not say it for any other reason than to let your partner know how you feel.

Don’t expect the words returned – With the previous being said do not let the fear of not having the words returned discourage you from letting your partner know how you feel.  Just because they are not quite there yet, does not mean that they don’t care about you or that your relationship is not heading in the right direction.  Some people take longer to trust and open up to how they feel and therefore may take longer to instigate their emotion.

Spontaneity – Spontaneity is perhaps the best way to reveal your love for someone.  Let the feeling build up inside of you to the point where your subconscious can’t even keep it within. Like the best life has to offer, it is rarely planned.  If you find yourself having to stop yourself from saying it on a regular basis, it is most likely a sign that it is time to tell your partner know how you feel.  If it comes to mind so often you have to censor yourself, you obviously mean it with all of your heart.

And finally, Repetition – The “L” word is a delicate matter.  Once it has been let out of the bag, there is expectation - (particularly with women) to be reminded of these feelings.  Do not think just because you have said it once there is no cause for it to be uttered again.

Once you have expressed your feelings with words, remember that your actions need to match.  Loving someone is more then vocabulary and it is important to show your partner you understand this. 

Beneficial Relationship Tips

A lot of young girls grow up with this romanticized image of our prince charming coming to our rescue, sweeping us off our feet and loving each other so intensely that we lived happily ever after.....

It's a shame we can't stay little girls forever. In reality, relationships need to be nurtured in order to succeed. True love requires work to survive. Here are a few tips to remember to keep your realistic happily ever after, which simply put is a relationship that can last and a love that can stand the distance.

Quality Time – No matter how busy your individual lives are, put time aside to spend quality time with your partner. It is impossible for a relationship to grow and survive if you do not take the time to nurture it.

Appreciation – Don’t keep your appreciation of your partner to yourself. Be sure that they know that they are appreciated. This is often lost over time in a long term relationship. Never let your partner feel like they are unappreciated or taken for granted.

Laughter – Enjoy the company of each other and don’t be afraid to show it. Refrain from taking everything so seriously. Allow yourself to be free to be silly with your partner and appreciate the lighthearted things in life.

Forgiveness – No matter how much you may have been hurt by a problem, once an issue is resolved, let it go and move on. In a successful relationship one must learn to forgive and forget.

Money isn’t everything – Money is often a common cause for a quarrel in relationships. Always remember that there are more important things then money. Discuss the topic rationally, but never let it be a cause for hostility.

Honesty – if something is bothering you in your relationship, be honest about it. There is nothing more poisoning to a relationship them resentment. It constantly eats at you and even though you think it is in the back of your mind, it will end up causing unnecessary problems in the relationship. If you have a problem, solve it. If you ignore a problem it won’t go away and will end up becoming a great deal worse as a result.

Alone Time – It is just as important to have time away from each other to do your own thing, as it is to spend quality time with each other. If you don’t have time to enjoy your own personal hobbies, you will find that you and your partner will start missing out on personal pleasures or be forced to do things that you do not enjoy in order to spend time together. Do not allow yourself to become dependent on your partner. And never forget who you are.

Don’t obsess over the uncontrollable – Never obsess over something that is beyond either of your control. If you cannot change a situation or problem, spend your energy on something positive in your relationship instead of trying to change something that cannot be changed.

Accept Change – Do not expect that your partner is never going to change over the course of your relationship. When change happens accept it. If it changes for the worst and you are unable to accept it, then do not expect your partner to adjust for you. More often than not this is a losing battle. When it comes down to it, would you want to stay with someone who waits for you to change to their preferred image of whom they expect you to be? If you wouldn't do it yourself then you cannot expect someone else to.

Communication – Communicating with your partner is a vital point in a relationship. Find the time to share with each other what is happening in your life. Never let your relationship get to that point where your partner is not the first person you want to share your successes with.

Compromise – A relationship is a 50/50 commitment. You have to understand that no two people are exactly the same and therefore you are not always going to agree on everything in life. You have to be willing to give and take in order to make a relationship truly work.

Vent but don’t attack – We all have days that bring out the worst in us, but never take it out on your partner. There is no excuse for abuse of any kind. So vent to your partner and let them put you in a better mood. But don’t aim your anger at the wrong person.

Support - There is nobody whose support is more accepted and believed then that of your partner. Support each other in your dreams and aspirations. Knowing that your partner believes in you and your desires is just as important then them coming true.

Keep it interesting – Make efforts to keep it interesting in passionate areas of your relationship. Do not allow the passion to evaporate. If your bedroom action needs some spicing up visit www.confidenceiskeylingerie.com.au to revive the excitement!

Start seeing your partner for who he truly is. If you look carefully you'll most likely see, your fairy tale prince charming has already found you! And the real fairy tale is the here and now. He may not be perfect, but his love for you is.