10 Signs you are not over your ex

To everyone who has ever been heartbroken, it is a disappointment to know that there is no set time frame for when you no longer suffer these signs that are to follow. The fact of the matter is, love hurts.  When it comes to failed relationships there is no such thing as simple fixes to mend a broken heart. Many suppress the initial hurt to protect themselves from feeling the excruciation.  But when all inevitably slows down, there’s nowhere to hide.  Here are 10 signs that you are not over your ex.  There is no shame in this.  Hang in there.  Don’t let yourself give up on finding your smile again.

1. Everything still reminds you of them. 
You cannot get through a day without seeing, hearing, eating or smelling something that reminds you of that special dish your ex cooked, songs that you both listened to or sang, a scent they wore or places you went together. If you feel the need to change the radio station when particular songs come on or you avoid places that were regular hangouts for you, this is a real indication that you have not let go of your ex.

2. You think you see them everywhere.
No matter where you are or what you are doing you catch a glimpse of a reflective shirt, certain type of vehicle, or particular body build and all of a sudden you feel your heart pick up  pace and you feel weak in the knees. Then you realise… it’s not them at all. You feel relieved and disappointed in equal measure.

3. You don’t notice other people’s interest in you.
Someone new is trying to get close to you and you don’t even notice. All you can think about is your past. Your future feels like a black hole without your ex and blindly you shut out opportunities that are right in front of you.

4. You compare everyone to them.
You cannot meet someone of the opposite sex without comparing them to your ex. You spend more time picking out or noticing the similarities they have to your ex instead of noticing their individuality. No-one will ever be good enough if you measure them up against someone else.  Everyone deserves better then that.

5. You constantly cyber stalk them.
You have deleted them from Facebook for your own emotional stability, but that doesn’t stop you from checking their wall... even if it’s just to see their picture for the millionth time, because you can no longer access anything else.

6. You can’t part with gifts they gave you.
You find yourself holding on to the mementos from your relationship. You are just not ready to throw away the memories. Keeping these tokens keeps you connected to the person you have lost.

7. You fantasize about being reunited. 
You find yourself fantasizing about ways your ex would come back into your life to reunite what you had. Ways they would express their undying love for you and want to start all over again and spend the rest of their lives with you…..

8. You are still trying to figure out what went wrong. 
You still play over every conversation, action or hiccup that went down in your relationship, trying to find signs of where it went wrong and what you could have done to make your ex want to stay with you. Wondering if there was something you could have said to have guaranteed your connections survival, preventing you from this ultimate demise.

9. They still come up in most conversations. 
You cannot help but talk about them. “He/she used to do this”, “He/she would have loved this.” You speak of them as if they are still the most important person in your world.

10. You become the Green Eyed Monster. 
The thought of your ex meeting someone else breaks your heart and you harbour jealousy of all those people that still get to be in his/her life.

DON’Ts when dealing with heartache

Your life revolved around another person and now they’re not there. This leaves you feeling uncomfortable in your own skin and lost in your own everyday life. You feel like you will never get to the other side of the excruciation invading you. Everybody deals with heartbreak differently. But here are a few DON’Ts that you should keep in mind.

1. DON’T ignore your pain. Ignoring your pain and pretending that everything is fine and dandy can be worse than expressing yourself during this time. Let yourself feel the upset and don’t be ashamed of your hurting. Express yourself with those who are surrounding you with nothing but support to offer. Even the tamest of break-ups can leave a sting in your heart.

2. DON’T become revengeful. It’s okay to be angry. But putting that anger into an act of revenge is not going to help anyone or change what has happened. Nor will it help you move on with your life.

3. DON’T let bitterness consume you. Do not let a broken heart lead you into a life of bitterness where you no longer believe in the everlasting love that you deserve. You will only be holding yourself back from the best that life has to offer.

4. DON’T feel the need to prove your worth. So your ex did not see the fabulousness of you as a person. This does not mean that you have to change in order to be able to impress someone else. Do not waste time changing to a form of yourself to meet your ex’s expectations. If they cannot see you for the amazing person you are, do not waste time trying to highlight your strengths in order to keep yourself in their life.

5. DON’T make drastic decisions. You are not thinking clearly during the initial stages of a break-up. Do not allow yourself to make drastic or irreversible decisions. Tattoos or pixie haircuts are not a wise choice when you are feeling the way you are. Give yourself time to heal before making these kinds of decisions.

6. DON’T romanticize. Daydreaming about ways your ex will try and win you back or fight to keep you in their lives is only a means for pain. Think of the pain that their breakup has caused you. Having them back in your life with the power to be able to put you in that position again is not something you should be hoping for. Rather, invest in yourself and know that you deserve better then the black hole of agony their rejection brought to your life.

7. DON’T rush into the arms of a replacement. Using another relationship as a band-aid to your pain is a pitiable move. This will only be a temporary fix and will ultimately end badly. You are not only denying yourself a necessary factor of the healing process, but hurting another person with your selfish attempt to avoid feeling a pain crucial in order to let the past go and move on.

As hard as it is to believe it right now, there is a reason for everything, which means that there is a reason for this as well. You never know what tomorrow might bring. Take each day as it comes. Be open to new beginnings and embrace life’s little mysteries. Don’t give up on hope for the life that you feel you deserve.  A failed relationship does not define you. The best is yet to come.  It's time to say goodbye to the past, so you can be open to the future.

Starting a new relationship after a broken heart

Make sure you are ready – Beginning a new relationship is no way to cure a broken heart. Make sure that you are ready to move on and are not doing it for the wrong reasons. Give yourself some time to feel the heartache. Let your past settle. When you are happy within yourself and are not constantly haunted by positive memories of your relationship with your ex, then you will be ready to move on to the next romantic chapter in your life.

Avoid romanticism – It is unrealistic to think that a partner can meet all your wants and desires. It is up to you to make yourself happy and this should be worked on before going into a new relationship with neediness stamped across your forehead.

Have real expectations – You now have a better idea of what you want in a partner. But make sure that your expectations of future suitors are realistic. You do not want to be hurt again so it is only natural that you are more cautious then in your previous relationship, but it is important to remember that your new partner is only human as are you.

There are plenty of fish in the sea – As lovely as the idea of soul mates is, the realism is that you can be compatible with several different people throughout your lifetime. There are a lot of people out there and this is an assurance that you never have to settle. Find someone who makes you happy and shares your life aspirations. Someone who makes you feel like you’re on top of the world and accepts your shortcomings. That is a person who is worth waking up to.

Do not hold your ex’s mistakes against future partners – You are entitled to the fear that comes with feeling like you have had your heart ripped out of your chest. But it is important that you understand not everyone in your life is going to hurt you. Do not make the mistake of thinking that your exes faults are that of every person you meet and/or spend time with. Leave your baggage in the past.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket – It is okay to be cautious in the beginning. There is no race or time frames. Get to know someone before you give them everything. The more you give before the relationship status is established the more vulnerable you will be to getting hurt.

Trust your intuition – Listen to your intuition. Do not force yourself to feel something that is not there. Your gut instincts are more often than not a expression of your true thoughts.

Try new avenues – You had no luck with your previous partner meeting them the way you did, why not try different avenues of meeting new people. Even something you have never thought about can be successful. Perhaps invest your time in a new hobby that allows you to mingle with others who have the same passion for what you enjoy doing? There is more than one way to meet new people. You could benefit from doing some research on places to meet new people.