The Curse of Unrequited Love

Unrequited love is among the most painful things that one can feel and unfortunately we have all felt the heartache that comes with it at least once in our lives.

To add to this, social media makes it so easy to look into things that are said. You find yourself asking, “What does he/she mean by that?” or “Does that mean he/she is thinking about me.” Or my favourite, “What he/she really means is.” The entirety of it can be exhausting. And because you are feeling something that they are not aware of, it can result in emotional draining. You get defensive over text messages that may very well just be an outcome of you misreading what is written. Or alternatively to this, even making excuses for someone mistreating you.

You distance yourself from the person to ease the hurt and hopefully take away your feelings for them, but instead you find yourself romanticizing them. Focusing on all the things that they would do if you were with them, or even magnifying what they have done in the past, much like you would do in a toxic relationship. You find yourself focusing on the things that they have done in the past or what you hope they would do, rather then what they actually do.

There is no easy way to escape this curse. There is always the option of telling the person your true feelings, which can possibly lead to your feelings being returned, but if this backfires you are left with nothing but rejection. Fear of rejection is ultimately what stops us from expressing our true feelings to the people we have them for. And our lack of belief in ourselves is what leads us to think that we are not remarkable enough for the person of our desires to notice us in any real way.  Some people just aren't ready to let go of the possibilities that can be shattered when those feelings are not returned.

There really are only 2 options:

1.   Tell the person. If they do not feel the same, you no longer have the hope and can take the first steps to moving on with your life and finding someone who can return your feelings.

2.    Keep prolonging the negative feelings that come with your secret until the object of your desire has unknowingly hurt you more then you can handle.

I say, do everything you can to convince yourself to tell your crush how you feel. At least then you know if there is a chance, as opposed to wasting your time hoping that there may be one and trying to find signs of interest or common feelings. Life is too short to play the “what if” game. Nobody likes playing games when it comes to their feelings, so why subject yourself to doing just that? Take the risk and believe that you are worthy of being loved back. If they do not see you for who you are then the only solution to this is finding someone who does. No need to change or downplay yourself just because someone is blind to your worth.

At the end of the day, there really are no answers to this one. Some situations can be stickier then others. Some people just don’t have the option to be able to tell the person of their passion how they feel. Whether it be because your crush is married, in a relationship, a parent of your friend, or even a really close family friend. These situations leave prolonged awkwardness. Not everyone has the opportunity to walk away if things do not go the way they hope. If you have any ideas on how to cope with unrequited love or any personal stories of your own experiences, please share in the comment box below. Your experience may help someone else.

Starting a new relationship after a broken heart

Make sure you are ready – Beginning a new relationship is no way to cure a broken heart. Make sure that you are ready to move on and are not doing it for the wrong reasons. Give yourself some time to feel the heartache. Let your past settle. When you are happy within yourself and are not constantly haunted by positive memories of your relationship with your ex, then you will be ready to move on to the next romantic chapter in your life.

Avoid romanticism – It is unrealistic to think that a partner can meet all your wants and desires. It is up to you to make yourself happy and this should be worked on before going into a new relationship with neediness stamped across your forehead.

Have real expectations – You now have a better idea of what you want in a partner. But make sure that your expectations of future suitors are realistic. You do not want to be hurt again so it is only natural that you are more cautious then in your previous relationship, but it is important to remember that your new partner is only human as are you.

There are plenty of fish in the sea – As lovely as the idea of soul mates is, the realism is that you can be compatible with several different people throughout your lifetime. There are a lot of people out there and this is an assurance that you never have to settle. Find someone who makes you happy and shares your life aspirations. Someone who makes you feel like you’re on top of the world and accepts your shortcomings. That is a person who is worth waking up to.

Do not hold your ex’s mistakes against future partners – You are entitled to the fear that comes with feeling like you have had your heart ripped out of your chest. But it is important that you understand not everyone in your life is going to hurt you. Do not make the mistake of thinking that your exes faults are that of every person you meet and/or spend time with. Leave your baggage in the past.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket – It is okay to be cautious in the beginning. There is no race or time frames. Get to know someone before you give them everything. The more you give before the relationship status is established the more vulnerable you will be to getting hurt.

Trust your intuition – Listen to your intuition. Do not force yourself to feel something that is not there. Your gut instincts are more often than not a expression of your true thoughts.

Try new avenues – You had no luck with your previous partner meeting them the way you did, why not try different avenues of meeting new people. Even something you have never thought about can be successful. Perhaps invest your time in a new hobby that allows you to mingle with others who have the same passion for what you enjoy doing? There is more than one way to meet new people. You could benefit from doing some research on places to meet new people.