The Curse of Unrequited Love

Unrequited love is among the most painful things that one can feel and unfortunately we have all felt the heartache that comes with it at least once in our lives.

To add to this, social media makes it so easy to look into things that are said. You find yourself asking, “What does he/she mean by that?” or “Does that mean he/she is thinking about me.” Or my favourite, “What he/she really means is.” The entirety of it can be exhausting. And because you are feeling something that they are not aware of, it can result in emotional draining. You get defensive over text messages that may very well just be an outcome of you misreading what is written. Or alternatively to this, even making excuses for someone mistreating you.

You distance yourself from the person to ease the hurt and hopefully take away your feelings for them, but instead you find yourself romanticizing them. Focusing on all the things that they would do if you were with them, or even magnifying what they have done in the past, much like you would do in a toxic relationship. You find yourself focusing on the things that they have done in the past or what you hope they would do, rather then what they actually do.

There is no easy way to escape this curse. There is always the option of telling the person your true feelings, which can possibly lead to your feelings being returned, but if this backfires you are left with nothing but rejection. Fear of rejection is ultimately what stops us from expressing our true feelings to the people we have them for. And our lack of belief in ourselves is what leads us to think that we are not remarkable enough for the person of our desires to notice us in any real way.  Some people just aren't ready to let go of the possibilities that can be shattered when those feelings are not returned.

There really are only 2 options:

1.   Tell the person. If they do not feel the same, you no longer have the hope and can take the first steps to moving on with your life and finding someone who can return your feelings.

2.    Keep prolonging the negative feelings that come with your secret until the object of your desire has unknowingly hurt you more then you can handle.

I say, do everything you can to convince yourself to tell your crush how you feel. At least then you know if there is a chance, as opposed to wasting your time hoping that there may be one and trying to find signs of interest or common feelings. Life is too short to play the “what if” game. Nobody likes playing games when it comes to their feelings, so why subject yourself to doing just that? Take the risk and believe that you are worthy of being loved back. If they do not see you for who you are then the only solution to this is finding someone who does. No need to change or downplay yourself just because someone is blind to your worth.

At the end of the day, there really are no answers to this one. Some situations can be stickier then others. Some people just don’t have the option to be able to tell the person of their passion how they feel. Whether it be because your crush is married, in a relationship, a parent of your friend, or even a really close family friend. These situations leave prolonged awkwardness. Not everyone has the opportunity to walk away if things do not go the way they hope. If you have any ideas on how to cope with unrequited love or any personal stories of your own experiences, please share in the comment box below. Your experience may help someone else.

Building Trust in a Relationship

Trust or emotional safety in a relationship can often be a very difficult emotion to master, particularly for those who have been hurt and/or betrayed in previous relationships.  Time does not always heal wounds of our past.  Regardless, the fact of the matter is that trust is the basis of any relationship.  If you cannot trust someone you cannot have a healthy relationship with them, as these trust issues will end up destroying the relationship. It may not happen right away, though slowly but surely it will be what breaks you apart.  In order to be in a happy relationship you have to be willing to work on a mutual trust.  Here are a few pointers in building trust in your relationship for those of you who find that trust does not come naturally to you.

Be Honest – Number one rule in building trust in a relationship is merely to continuously be honest with your partner.  If your partner senses that you are being deceitful this will make it harder for them to trust you.  We do not always like what we hear but it will be a comfort to know that honesty is applied in every instance.  There is no room for secrets or lies in a healthy relationship.

Communication – Express your needs and feelings on situations with your partner.  If jealousy occurs let your partner know how it makes you feel.  They are then aware of your feelings and will take measures to let you know that there is nothing to worry about.  Give your partner a chance to set you straight and always be clear and completely honest about how you are feeling and listen carefully to their concerns in return.

Don’t hold your partner accountable for others actions – As much as you wish you could control every situation, it is unrealistic to believe this is possible.  Do not hold your partner accountable for others actions in any situation no matter how hurtful.  Your partner cannot change anyone’s feelings or events anymore then you yourself can.

Be reliable – In order for someone to surrender to trust they need to know that their partner is reliable.  If you say you are going to be somewhere, be there.  If you say you are going to do something for your partner, do it.  If you can rely on someone it makes it easier to trust them.

Don’t go to bed angry – Never let issues go unresolved.  If trust issues or jealousy occurs between you and your partner do not try and avoid the issues.  Although the conversation may not be desired it is mandatory to address them before they get even larger.  Resentment stems from feeling unheard or failing to deal with a problem.

Forget the past – Do not compare new relationships to the old ones.  Just because your previous partner may have hurt you, does not mean that your new one is even remotely capable of making the same mistakes.  Do not lay that burden on them; it is not their burden to bear. 

Remember nobody is perfect - Acknowledge that nobody is perfect and that happenings can often be different to how they appear.  Discover and compliment your partner’s qualities.  Belief in each other will facilitate trust building in any relationship.

Love is all about losing yourself in your feelings.  Take the leap and have faith that everything will work out the way it is meant too.  Building trust is not always easy and requires on-going work to keep it afloat, but it is important to remember there is no point in worrying about something that may never come to pass.  Live in the present and appreciate the happier moments of life. 

We would love your thoughts on this article. Please leave your comments below.

Beneficial Relationship Tips

A lot of young girls grow up with this romanticized image of our prince charming coming to our rescue, sweeping us off our feet and loving each other so intensely that we lived happily ever after.....

It's a shame we can't stay little girls forever. In reality, relationships need to be nurtured in order to succeed. True love requires work to survive. Here are a few tips to remember to keep your realistic happily ever after, which simply put is a relationship that can last and a love that can stand the distance.

Quality Time – No matter how busy your individual lives are, put time aside to spend quality time with your partner. It is impossible for a relationship to grow and survive if you do not take the time to nurture it.

Appreciation – Don’t keep your appreciation of your partner to yourself. Be sure that they know that they are appreciated. This is often lost over time in a long term relationship. Never let your partner feel like they are unappreciated or taken for granted.

Laughter – Enjoy the company of each other and don’t be afraid to show it. Refrain from taking everything so seriously. Allow yourself to be free to be silly with your partner and appreciate the lighthearted things in life.

Forgiveness – No matter how much you may have been hurt by a problem, once an issue is resolved, let it go and move on. In a successful relationship one must learn to forgive and forget.

Money isn’t everything – Money is often a common cause for a quarrel in relationships. Always remember that there are more important things then money. Discuss the topic rationally, but never let it be a cause for hostility.

Honesty – if something is bothering you in your relationship, be honest about it. There is nothing more poisoning to a relationship them resentment. It constantly eats at you and even though you think it is in the back of your mind, it will end up causing unnecessary problems in the relationship. If you have a problem, solve it. If you ignore a problem it won’t go away and will end up becoming a great deal worse as a result.

Alone Time – It is just as important to have time away from each other to do your own thing, as it is to spend quality time with each other. If you don’t have time to enjoy your own personal hobbies, you will find that you and your partner will start missing out on personal pleasures or be forced to do things that you do not enjoy in order to spend time together. Do not allow yourself to become dependent on your partner. And never forget who you are.

Don’t obsess over the uncontrollable – Never obsess over something that is beyond either of your control. If you cannot change a situation or problem, spend your energy on something positive in your relationship instead of trying to change something that cannot be changed.

Accept Change – Do not expect that your partner is never going to change over the course of your relationship. When change happens accept it. If it changes for the worst and you are unable to accept it, then do not expect your partner to adjust for you. More often than not this is a losing battle. When it comes down to it, would you want to stay with someone who waits for you to change to their preferred image of whom they expect you to be? If you wouldn't do it yourself then you cannot expect someone else to.

Communication – Communicating with your partner is a vital point in a relationship. Find the time to share with each other what is happening in your life. Never let your relationship get to that point where your partner is not the first person you want to share your successes with.

Compromise – A relationship is a 50/50 commitment. You have to understand that no two people are exactly the same and therefore you are not always going to agree on everything in life. You have to be willing to give and take in order to make a relationship truly work.

Vent but don’t attack – We all have days that bring out the worst in us, but never take it out on your partner. There is no excuse for abuse of any kind. So vent to your partner and let them put you in a better mood. But don’t aim your anger at the wrong person.

Support - There is nobody whose support is more accepted and believed then that of your partner. Support each other in your dreams and aspirations. Knowing that your partner believes in you and your desires is just as important then them coming true.

Keep it interesting – Make efforts to keep it interesting in passionate areas of your relationship. Do not allow the passion to evaporate. If your bedroom action needs some spicing up visit www.confidenceiskeylingerie.com.au to revive the excitement!

Start seeing your partner for who he truly is. If you look carefully you'll most likely see, your fairy tale prince charming has already found you! And the real fairy tale is the here and now. He may not be perfect, but his love for you is.

"What's Wrong?" "Nothing"

If you are a women looking at the title of this blog, I can pretty much guarantee that you are staring on with a cheeky grin on your face. Because the truth of the matter is, we have all responded with the answer “nothing” to the frequently asked question, “What’s wrong?” Even though the truth is there is something we are dying to get off our chest. If only fear and the pounding of our hearts wasn’t swallowing our words.

Although we undoubtedly grin guiltily at this accusation, it is not something that we should be proud of. Sometimes in life; specifically in a romantic relationship, we find it hard to express our negative feelings, for fear of hurting or losing the person we love. When your partner does something to upset you, you don't want to confront them about it as you would much rather avoid a disagreement.

If you bottle up your feelings and not let your partner know how you feel all the whilst ignoring your upsets and wishing them away, then you both in turn will suffer a great deal more then if you were to just discuss the things that are bothering you. If you play the "nothing's wrong" card, you are not only hurting yourself, but the person you are being dishonest with as well. Although you may have succeeded in that momentary bliss, you will end up having one too many grudges packed away in the back of your mind and it will be your partner who will suffer the consequences of issues that they are quite possibly unaware of.

Although it appears you are avoiding an awkward conversation, it only gets worse the longer you avoid the things that are making you unhappy. When you are unhappy this leads to the unhappiness of your partner as well. While the problem is manifesting, your partner can see that you are hurting and the fact that you deny this can be excruciatingly frustrating for them. Not only do they know that something is wrong, but they are also offended that you do not trust them enough share it with them. There are ways to go about this without offending your partner and if you exercise the truth from the beginning of your relationship, then you will both know what to expect when it comes to matters of the heart.

So next time you find yourself hurting over something, big or small, talk to your partner. More often then not, they will see your point and if they don't perhaps they can provide a better understanding of why they have done what they have. Although the men in our lives claim to be mind readers - the fact the matter is, they're not. Release your fears and open up to your partner so they never have to ask you, "What's wrong?" again. The more open and honest you are with each other, the stronger and happier your relationship will be. Always remember that you are entitled to say whatever you want, when it comes to how you feel.