Building Trust in a Relationship

Trust or emotional safety in a relationship can often be a very difficult emotion to master, particularly for those who have been hurt and/or betrayed in previous relationships.  Time does not always heal wounds of our past.  Regardless, the fact of the matter is that trust is the basis of any relationship.  If you cannot trust someone you cannot have a healthy relationship with them, as these trust issues will end up destroying the relationship. It may not happen right away, though slowly but surely it will be what breaks you apart.  In order to be in a happy relationship you have to be willing to work on a mutual trust.  Here are a few pointers in building trust in your relationship for those of you who find that trust does not come naturally to you.

Be Honest – Number one rule in building trust in a relationship is merely to continuously be honest with your partner.  If your partner senses that you are being deceitful this will make it harder for them to trust you.  We do not always like what we hear but it will be a comfort to know that honesty is applied in every instance.  There is no room for secrets or lies in a healthy relationship.

Communication – Express your needs and feelings on situations with your partner.  If jealousy occurs let your partner know how it makes you feel.  They are then aware of your feelings and will take measures to let you know that there is nothing to worry about.  Give your partner a chance to set you straight and always be clear and completely honest about how you are feeling and listen carefully to their concerns in return.

Don’t hold your partner accountable for others actions – As much as you wish you could control every situation, it is unrealistic to believe this is possible.  Do not hold your partner accountable for others actions in any situation no matter how hurtful.  Your partner cannot change anyone’s feelings or events anymore then you yourself can.

Be reliable – In order for someone to surrender to trust they need to know that their partner is reliable.  If you say you are going to be somewhere, be there.  If you say you are going to do something for your partner, do it.  If you can rely on someone it makes it easier to trust them.

Don’t go to bed angry – Never let issues go unresolved.  If trust issues or jealousy occurs between you and your partner do not try and avoid the issues.  Although the conversation may not be desired it is mandatory to address them before they get even larger.  Resentment stems from feeling unheard or failing to deal with a problem.

Forget the past – Do not compare new relationships to the old ones.  Just because your previous partner may have hurt you, does not mean that your new one is even remotely capable of making the same mistakes.  Do not lay that burden on them; it is not their burden to bear. 

Remember nobody is perfect - Acknowledge that nobody is perfect and that happenings can often be different to how they appear.  Discover and compliment your partner’s qualities.  Belief in each other will facilitate trust building in any relationship.

Love is all about losing yourself in your feelings.  Take the leap and have faith that everything will work out the way it is meant too.  Building trust is not always easy and requires on-going work to keep it afloat, but it is important to remember there is no point in worrying about something that may never come to pass.  Live in the present and appreciate the happier moments of life. 

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Don't take birthdays for granted

With a birthday coming up I know how easy it is to find yourself wishing time would stop so you don’t have to watch the dial on the second digit of your age tick over once again.  The fact of the matter is nobody likes getting older.  This often has us reluctant to celebrate our birthdays and we often find ourselves not wanting to admit to our age or even face the reality of all the things that we were meant to have achieved in this point in our lives, but haven’t.  Nevertheless it is important to acknowledge and cherish this day every year.  It is the one day of the year that is all about you and you never know when it is going to be your last, so by no means take it for granted. Here are a few tips to keep in mind to help each of us put ourselves in the right frame of mind to take on our birthday. 

Achievements – Don’t focus on those things that have not yet happened.  Instead celebrate those achievements in your life that you have managed.  It is always wise to focus on those things you do have rather than those things that are yet to happen.  If you look hard enough you will see that you have more to be proud of then you give yourself credit for.  If you find yourself struggling, look around you at all the people who are wishing you well on your birthday.

Indulge – This is the one time of the year when you can indulge yourself free of guilt. Get yourself pampered, book dinner at that restaurant you always wanted to go to, but could never justify the expense or go all out and take yourself away for the weekend with a few close friends. 

Appreciation – weeks in life fly by and it is easy to lose yourself in daily routine and spend less time with friends and/or family who are no longer at easy reach.  There is no better excuse to get everyone you hold dear under the same roof, then to help you celebrate your birthday. And nothing will make you feel more appreciated then having everyone take the time aside to be with  you on your birthday.

Hope – Remember that age is just a number. You are only ever as old as you feel.  Let your hope for the future keep you feeling young.  If you haven’t achieved everything you ever wanted then take comfort that you have something to look forward too.

The more you acknowledge this day and the more effort you put into celebrating it, the easier the transition to your new age will be.  Don’t let yourself sit at home alone focusing on feeling old and feeling sorry for yourself.  There is so much in life to celebrate.  There may be one more candle on the cake then last year, but that’s only because there’s one more year to be thankful for.  The greeting is "Happy Birthday." So give it a try...