DON’Ts when dealing with heartache

Your life revolved around another person and now they’re not there. This leaves you feeling uncomfortable in your own skin and lost in your own everyday life. You feel like you will never get to the other side of the excruciation invading you. Everybody deals with heartbreak differently. But here are a few DON’Ts that you should keep in mind.

1. DON’T ignore your pain. Ignoring your pain and pretending that everything is fine and dandy can be worse than expressing yourself during this time. Let yourself feel the upset and don’t be ashamed of your hurting. Express yourself with those who are surrounding you with nothing but support to offer. Even the tamest of break-ups can leave a sting in your heart.

2. DON’T become revengeful. It’s okay to be angry. But putting that anger into an act of revenge is not going to help anyone or change what has happened. Nor will it help you move on with your life.

3. DON’T let bitterness consume you. Do not let a broken heart lead you into a life of bitterness where you no longer believe in the everlasting love that you deserve. You will only be holding yourself back from the best that life has to offer.

4. DON’T feel the need to prove your worth. So your ex did not see the fabulousness of you as a person. This does not mean that you have to change in order to be able to impress someone else. Do not waste time changing to a form of yourself to meet your ex’s expectations. If they cannot see you for the amazing person you are, do not waste time trying to highlight your strengths in order to keep yourself in their life.

5. DON’T make drastic decisions. You are not thinking clearly during the initial stages of a break-up. Do not allow yourself to make drastic or irreversible decisions. Tattoos or pixie haircuts are not a wise choice when you are feeling the way you are. Give yourself time to heal before making these kinds of decisions.

6. DON’T romanticize. Daydreaming about ways your ex will try and win you back or fight to keep you in their lives is only a means for pain. Think of the pain that their breakup has caused you. Having them back in your life with the power to be able to put you in that position again is not something you should be hoping for. Rather, invest in yourself and know that you deserve better then the black hole of agony their rejection brought to your life.

7. DON’T rush into the arms of a replacement. Using another relationship as a band-aid to your pain is a pitiable move. This will only be a temporary fix and will ultimately end badly. You are not only denying yourself a necessary factor of the healing process, but hurting another person with your selfish attempt to avoid feeling a pain crucial in order to let the past go and move on.

As hard as it is to believe it right now, there is a reason for everything, which means that there is a reason for this as well. You never know what tomorrow might bring. Take each day as it comes. Be open to new beginnings and embrace life’s little mysteries. Don’t give up on hope for the life that you feel you deserve.  A failed relationship does not define you. The best is yet to come.  It's time to say goodbye to the past, so you can be open to the future.

7 Stages of Grief

1. SHOCK 
Losing someone you love can be one of the most excruciating things that come with life.  You find yourself looking down on your body in such a state of shock that you find yourself numb to the reality and on some level even denying the truth merely out of disbelief.  This is an emotional security that gets mournful people through the initial heart-wrenching pain.  There are no set times for these stages in the grieving process as everyone’s experience is different. But this state of denial can last weeks.

2. PAIN
Sooner or later the reality will take over your primary shock and denial and be replaced with near unbearable pain.  A lot of people make many bad choices to break away from this pain and feel anything else.  Alcohol and drugs are not the solution to this stage.  It is crucial to your grieving process that you feel the blunt of your loss and feel the full extent of what has happened.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING Frustration comes next and causes no shortage of anger.  You may lash out and blame others for your loss.  It is important to do all you can to control this.  There is no point in causing permanent damage to your relationships with the people who are still with you. Find other ways to release your bottled up emotions.  Bargaining with a higher power also occurs during this time.  Your faith becomes apparent as you beg the powers that be to bring this person back to you, all the while making promises and bargains that you wouldn’t otherwise be considering.

4. DEPRESSION A long phase of reflection and sadness follows the anger and bargaining.  Perhaps because you realise that not even a higher power can bring this person back and that you have no choice but to go on with life alone.  Depression is a normal stage of the grieving process and should not be avoided.  People may try and get you out of this stage, but it is important that you take the time to accept what is and process it to its full extent.

5. THE UPWARD TURN Your depression will begin to fade slowly once you find yourself adjusting to a life without the person you have lost.  Life will eventually become easier and structure will return as you come at peace with your loss.

6. RECONSTRUCTION  When you begin thinking realistically and more clearly again you will be able to see solutions to problems that have arisen as a result of your loss.  You will start to reconstruct your life to continue without your loved one.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE The final phase in the seven stages of grief reward you with acceptance and hope for your future.  Acceptance does not promise immediate happiness, but given the rollercoaster of emotions that you have experience during your grief, it is important to remember that if you can get to this point after that, then a way forward is at arm’s length.  It will never be okay that someone is gone, but it does get easier.  Eventually you will find yourself in a place that you can look back on the memories of your loved one with a smile on your face as opposed to tears in your eyes, a place that brings hope for a redesigned future.

Get Behind Daffodil Day

Why don't you put your spare change to good use.  Daffodil Day is in the coming days.  Every little bit helps in search of a cure for cancer. Unfortunately we have all known someone who has been affected by cancer.  Let's all put in what we can to ensure that less people have to go through the suffering that comes with this horrible disease.

Thanks to the Official Daffodil Day Website, here are some facts that we could all benefit to know.

Daffodil Day Facts

• Cancer Council's Daffodil Day 2012 is Friday 24th August
• Website URL: www.daffodilday.com.au
• Info line: 1300 65 65 85
• Daffodil Day is for all of us to grow hope for a brighter, cancer-free future
• The largest national fundraising event of its kind in the Southern Hemisphere, Daffodil Day raises essential funds for cancer research, prevention and support services
• The daffodil is the international symbol of hope for all touched by cancer
• This year Daffodil Day aims to raise over $9.2 million to fund the cancer control initiatives, patient support and research services of Cancer Council's eight state and territory member organisations
• More than 10,000 volunteers are expected to staff over 1,200 Daffodil Day sites across Australia

Cancer Facts

• There are more than 100 types of cancers.
• Any part of the human body can be affected.
• The most common cancers in men are: Lung, Stomach, Liver, Colorectal and Oesophagus.
• The most common cancers in woman are: Breast, Lung, Stomach, Colorectal and Cervical. 
• Tobacco use is the principal avoidable  source of cancer.
• More than 30% of cancers could be cured if detected early and treated sufficiently.  

 

Don't take birthdays for granted

With a birthday coming up I know how easy it is to find yourself wishing time would stop so you don’t have to watch the dial on the second digit of your age tick over once again.  The fact of the matter is nobody likes getting older.  This often has us reluctant to celebrate our birthdays and we often find ourselves not wanting to admit to our age or even face the reality of all the things that we were meant to have achieved in this point in our lives, but haven’t.  Nevertheless it is important to acknowledge and cherish this day every year.  It is the one day of the year that is all about you and you never know when it is going to be your last, so by no means take it for granted. Here are a few tips to keep in mind to help each of us put ourselves in the right frame of mind to take on our birthday. 

Achievements – Don’t focus on those things that have not yet happened.  Instead celebrate those achievements in your life that you have managed.  It is always wise to focus on those things you do have rather than those things that are yet to happen.  If you look hard enough you will see that you have more to be proud of then you give yourself credit for.  If you find yourself struggling, look around you at all the people who are wishing you well on your birthday.

Indulge – This is the one time of the year when you can indulge yourself free of guilt. Get yourself pampered, book dinner at that restaurant you always wanted to go to, but could never justify the expense or go all out and take yourself away for the weekend with a few close friends. 

Appreciation – weeks in life fly by and it is easy to lose yourself in daily routine and spend less time with friends and/or family who are no longer at easy reach.  There is no better excuse to get everyone you hold dear under the same roof, then to help you celebrate your birthday. And nothing will make you feel more appreciated then having everyone take the time aside to be with  you on your birthday.

Hope – Remember that age is just a number. You are only ever as old as you feel.  Let your hope for the future keep you feeling young.  If you haven’t achieved everything you ever wanted then take comfort that you have something to look forward too.

The more you acknowledge this day and the more effort you put into celebrating it, the easier the transition to your new age will be.  Don’t let yourself sit at home alone focusing on feeling old and feeling sorry for yourself.  There is so much in life to celebrate.  There may be one more candle on the cake then last year, but that’s only because there’s one more year to be thankful for.  The greeting is "Happy Birthday." So give it a try...