10 Signs you are not over your ex

To everyone who has ever been heartbroken, it is a disappointment to know that there is no set time frame for when you no longer suffer these signs that are to follow. The fact of the matter is, love hurts.  When it comes to failed relationships there is no such thing as simple fixes to mend a broken heart. Many suppress the initial hurt to protect themselves from feeling the excruciation.  But when all inevitably slows down, there’s nowhere to hide.  Here are 10 signs that you are not over your ex.  There is no shame in this.  Hang in there.  Don’t let yourself give up on finding your smile again.

1. Everything still reminds you of them. 
You cannot get through a day without seeing, hearing, eating or smelling something that reminds you of that special dish your ex cooked, songs that you both listened to or sang, a scent they wore or places you went together. If you feel the need to change the radio station when particular songs come on or you avoid places that were regular hangouts for you, this is a real indication that you have not let go of your ex.

2. You think you see them everywhere.
No matter where you are or what you are doing you catch a glimpse of a reflective shirt, certain type of vehicle, or particular body build and all of a sudden you feel your heart pick up  pace and you feel weak in the knees. Then you realise… it’s not them at all. You feel relieved and disappointed in equal measure.

3. You don’t notice other people’s interest in you.
Someone new is trying to get close to you and you don’t even notice. All you can think about is your past. Your future feels like a black hole without your ex and blindly you shut out opportunities that are right in front of you.

4. You compare everyone to them.
You cannot meet someone of the opposite sex without comparing them to your ex. You spend more time picking out or noticing the similarities they have to your ex instead of noticing their individuality. No-one will ever be good enough if you measure them up against someone else.  Everyone deserves better then that.

5. You constantly cyber stalk them.
You have deleted them from Facebook for your own emotional stability, but that doesn’t stop you from checking their wall... even if it’s just to see their picture for the millionth time, because you can no longer access anything else.

6. You can’t part with gifts they gave you.
You find yourself holding on to the mementos from your relationship. You are just not ready to throw away the memories. Keeping these tokens keeps you connected to the person you have lost.

7. You fantasize about being reunited. 
You find yourself fantasizing about ways your ex would come back into your life to reunite what you had. Ways they would express their undying love for you and want to start all over again and spend the rest of their lives with you…..

8. You are still trying to figure out what went wrong. 
You still play over every conversation, action or hiccup that went down in your relationship, trying to find signs of where it went wrong and what you could have done to make your ex want to stay with you. Wondering if there was something you could have said to have guaranteed your connections survival, preventing you from this ultimate demise.

9. They still come up in most conversations. 
You cannot help but talk about them. “He/she used to do this”, “He/she would have loved this.” You speak of them as if they are still the most important person in your world.

10. You become the Green Eyed Monster. 
The thought of your ex meeting someone else breaks your heart and you harbour jealousy of all those people that still get to be in his/her life.

DON’Ts when dealing with heartache

Your life revolved around another person and now they’re not there. This leaves you feeling uncomfortable in your own skin and lost in your own everyday life. You feel like you will never get to the other side of the excruciation invading you. Everybody deals with heartbreak differently. But here are a few DON’Ts that you should keep in mind.

1. DON’T ignore your pain. Ignoring your pain and pretending that everything is fine and dandy can be worse than expressing yourself during this time. Let yourself feel the upset and don’t be ashamed of your hurting. Express yourself with those who are surrounding you with nothing but support to offer. Even the tamest of break-ups can leave a sting in your heart.

2. DON’T become revengeful. It’s okay to be angry. But putting that anger into an act of revenge is not going to help anyone or change what has happened. Nor will it help you move on with your life.

3. DON’T let bitterness consume you. Do not let a broken heart lead you into a life of bitterness where you no longer believe in the everlasting love that you deserve. You will only be holding yourself back from the best that life has to offer.

4. DON’T feel the need to prove your worth. So your ex did not see the fabulousness of you as a person. This does not mean that you have to change in order to be able to impress someone else. Do not waste time changing to a form of yourself to meet your ex’s expectations. If they cannot see you for the amazing person you are, do not waste time trying to highlight your strengths in order to keep yourself in their life.

5. DON’T make drastic decisions. You are not thinking clearly during the initial stages of a break-up. Do not allow yourself to make drastic or irreversible decisions. Tattoos or pixie haircuts are not a wise choice when you are feeling the way you are. Give yourself time to heal before making these kinds of decisions.

6. DON’T romanticize. Daydreaming about ways your ex will try and win you back or fight to keep you in their lives is only a means for pain. Think of the pain that their breakup has caused you. Having them back in your life with the power to be able to put you in that position again is not something you should be hoping for. Rather, invest in yourself and know that you deserve better then the black hole of agony their rejection brought to your life.

7. DON’T rush into the arms of a replacement. Using another relationship as a band-aid to your pain is a pitiable move. This will only be a temporary fix and will ultimately end badly. You are not only denying yourself a necessary factor of the healing process, but hurting another person with your selfish attempt to avoid feeling a pain crucial in order to let the past go and move on.

As hard as it is to believe it right now, there is a reason for everything, which means that there is a reason for this as well. You never know what tomorrow might bring. Take each day as it comes. Be open to new beginnings and embrace life’s little mysteries. Don’t give up on hope for the life that you feel you deserve.  A failed relationship does not define you. The best is yet to come.  It's time to say goodbye to the past, so you can be open to the future.

6 things to remember after an unwanted break-up

There is never an easy way to except that something you invested all your time, energy, emotions and whole heart into is now over. Even worse then that you have now been left feeling that you are worthless and not worth fighting for. However, this could not be further from the truth. Although some things feel beyond your control right now, here are a few pointers to remember during the heartache.

1. Remember you did not fail – Often when a relationship ends the unwanted party feels as if they have failed. Remember that it takes two to make a relationship succeed and although your ex may have made you feel like you were the reason for the ended relationship, it is more likely that you were both on very different paths in life. Do not allow yourself to fall into depression and self hatred or take the blame upon yourself. Instead, take comfort that you tried your best to make things work. Often people completely change to suit their partner. Another thing to remember is that there is a big difference between compromise and loosing yourself. You should never change who you are for somebody you love. The right person for you will love you for exactly the person you are. If your partner feels the need to change you, then you are not the person they should be with.
2. It takes time – Do not force yourself to move on. You and you alone will know when you are ready to get back in the game. Do not be pushed into anything you do not want to do and avoid dating prematurely. Your feelings in a rebound relationship, will always be questioned by yourself. With this being said, some move on quicker than others and you are the only one who can decide for yourself if you have reached that point.
3. Avoid Break up Sex at all costs – It doesn’t matter how mature you think you are, sex between old partners is never just a physical act. Although it might feel like a good idea at the time, this is never a good idea. If anything it just takes you backwards and prevents you from moving on. As much as you tell yourself it does not mean anything to you, being connected in this way on some level keeps the relationship alive for you, when you should be in search of ways to leave it in the past.
4. Cut the ties - The most important thing to remember when breaking up is to cut the ties with your ex. Although this may seem like the hardest thing you can possibly do, in the end it will be the one thing you need to truly move on with your life. As tempting as it sounds to remain friends with someone who once meant everything to you, it is not realistic, at least not at first. If you did not want the break-up you will undoubtedly hold feelings of wanting to reunite and the reasons that your relationship did not work will be hidden from you. Even if you and your ex are mature enough to remain friends and on some level succeed in this, it is something that will not last if one party wants to reunite and will only cause more pain then there needs to be. What you need is to take a step back and take time to yourself. Once you can spend a whole day without thinking about your ex you will begin to see all the reasons you were not right for each other. If you don’t allow yourself to move on, you will find yourself focusing on the good things about your relationship, as appose to those things that divided the partnership to begin with.
5. Be hopeful of the future – Do not allow yourself to live in the past. The future is ahead of you and holds a chance for you to do things that you may have held off on to be with your ex. Focus on you. Find yourself again and have a little fun! Embrace hobbies you have never had the time for before and take those risks on life’s experiences that you have never had courage to try.
6. No regrets – Do not look at your ended relationship as time wasted. Instead look at it as an experience and learn from it. This experience can force you to discover what it is that you do want in a relationship and possibly even bring you additional wisdom during your next. Not everything lasts forever, but that doesn’t make it any less real.

Boost your confidence and feel better about yourself by spoiling yourself with something at www.confidenceiskeylingerie.com.au