Often insecurities tend to stem from our own thoughts of imperfection, as oppose to any real reasoning from the people who are causing the insecurity. Here are a few things to remember before letting insecurities and jealousy get the better of you.
1. Believe in yourself. See the positives within the person you are. It is not about weighing a certain amount or being perfect in everything that you do. No one is perfect and it is unrealistic to put that burden upon yourself to live up too. Respect yourself and treat yourself with the same decency you would anyone else. Never let anyone else's opinion stop you from being the person you want to be.
2. Do not dwell on insecure thoughts. You do not have to give in to every little thought that pops into your mind. This leads to mental pictures that can leave you thinking the worse not only about yourself, but people close to you as well. Jealousy is the biggest result of over thinking those insecure thoughts that pop into our minds. Making up scenarios in your mind is the worst thing you can do. Talk to y our partner about how you are feeling. Even if they do not agree with you, they may be able to convince you that you are of the wrong thinking. No one is a mind reader. Stop the assumptions and base your feelings on what you know. Do not however let someone make you feel like you do not have the right to feel what you feel.
3. Embrace what is. No one can know what is just around the corner. There is no point in worrying about things you cannot control. Embrace what is and succumb to the excitement of the unknown. Spend less time dwelling on the negatives and have conviction in the presence of good. Stop obsessing about the future. What will be, will be and worrying about the future is a waste of liveliness.
4. Failure is a part of growth. Stop judging yourself for the mistakes that you have made along the way. No one is perfect and making mistakes is how we learn to become better people. Do not judge yourself by the amount of mistakes that you have made. You cannot have great success, without falling down a few times first. Every time you feel yourself judging the mistakes you have made, turn it around and focus on those things that you have accomplished with pride.
5. Choose the right company. Do not waste time with people who make you feel bad about yourself or what you want out of life. Their negative energy about what you want for yourself, will only make you look down on who you are. If someone does not appreciate you for who you are and not who they want you to be, then they are not worth your time… Or your tears.
6. Avoid Expectations. Avoid thinking there is a way a relationship should be and seeing negatives if it is not how you expect. There are no real rules to how a relationship is. At the end of the day, if you are happy within your relationship, then that is what counts. Not all couples act the same, so you should not expect that every relationship is the same. Let go of the need to control every little thing. This will only make you insecure about you and your partner’s connection.
7. Do not compare previous relationships to new ones. Many insecurities in relationships come from experiences of the past. Stop judging someone’s possible actions by something that your exes have done in the past. Do not allow your fear of being hurt ruin your relationship by making you expect the worse.
8. Trust your partner. Being in a relationship is taking a chance and believing that the person you are spending time with is genuine. Exercise giving the benefit of the doubt. Do not give in to insecure thoughts, unless there is legit evidence to believe them.
9. Be confident and affectionate. Show affection with your partner. The simple returned affection and response to this will make you reassured and confident within yourself, merely by knowing that your affection is mutual.
There is never an easy way to except that something you invested all your time, energy, emotions and whole heart into is now over. Even worse then that you have now been left feeling that you are worthless and not worth fighting for. However, this could not be further from the truth. Although some things feel beyond your control right now, here are a few pointers to remember during the heartache.- Remember you did not fail – Often when a relationship ends the unwanted party feels as if they have failed. Remember that it takes two to make a relationship succeed and although your ex may have made you feel like you were the reason for the ended relationship, it is more likely that you were both on very different paths in life. Do not allow yourself to fall into depression and self hatred or take the blame upon yourself. Instead, take comfort that you tried your best to make things work. Often people completely change to suit their partner. Another thing to remember is that there is a big difference between compromise and loosing yourself. You should never change who you are for somebody you love. The right person for you will love you for exactly the person you are. If your partner feels the need to change you, then you are not the person they should be with.
- It takes time – Do not force yourself to move on. You and you alone will know when you are ready to get back in the game. Do not be pushed into anything you do not want to do and avoid dating prematurely. Your feelings in a rebound relationship, will always be questioned by yourself. With this being said, some move on quicker than others and you are the only one who can decide for yourself if you have reached that point.
- Avoid Break up Sex at all costs – It doesn’t matter how mature you think you are, sex between old partners is never just a physical act. Although it might feel like a good idea at the time, this is never a good idea. If anything it just takes you backwards and prevents you from moving on. As much as you tell yourself it does not mean anything to you, being connected in this way on some level keeps the relationship alive for you, when you should be in search of ways to leave it in the past.
- Cut the ties - The most important thing to remember when breaking up is to cut the ties with your ex. Although this may seem like the hardest thing you can possibly do, in the end it will be the one thing you need to truly move on with your life. As tempting as it sounds to remain friends with someone who once meant everything to you, it is not realistic, at least not at first. If you did not want the break-up you will undoubtedly hold feelings of wanting to reunite and the reasons that your relationship did not work will be hidden from you. Even if you and your ex are mature enough to remain friends and on some level succeed in this, it is something that will not last if one party wants to reunite and will only cause more pain then there needs to be. What you need is to take a step back and take time to yourself. Once you can spend a whole day without thinking about your ex you will begin to see all the reasons you were not right for each other. If you don’t allow yourself to move on, you will find yourself focusing on the good things about your relationship, as appose to those things that divided the partnership to begin with.
- Be hopeful of the future – Do not allow yourself to live in the past. The future is ahead of you and holds a chance for you to do things that you may have held off on to be with your ex. Focus on you. Find yourself again and have a little fun! Embrace hobbies you have never had the time for before and take those risks on life’s experiences that you have never had courage to try.
- No regrets – Do not look at your ended relationship as time wasted. Instead look at it as an experience and learn from it. This experience can force you to discover what it is that you do want in a relationship and possibly even bring you additional wisdom during your next. Not everything lasts forever, but that doesn’t make it any less real.
