Things to consider before entering a long distance relationship

Long Distance Relationships are not impossible but you have to be realistic and understand that they are a lot of hard work.  You need to both be willing to make the effort to keep the connection alive otherwise you will end up feeling that you are living separate lives, instead of the one you should be living together.  Here are a few things to consider before going down that road.

Are you a jealous person?  If you are the jealous type this may pose a problem.  The distance between you and your existing or potential partner means you can never be 100% sure of what they are doing or who they are with.  It all comes down to trust and if you know you are the jealous type then you may not be able to handle the paranoia that comes with a long distances relationships dooming separation.

Is the distance between you going to be on-going? You have to ask if the distance is for a short term or a long term.  If your partner is only going away for a certain amount of time to achieve a goal then this is one thing, but if it is a suspected lifestyle choice this is something you have to consider if you could live with.  If your relationship is all about phone calls, text messages, Skype, emails and Facebook instead of physical contact, is that something you really want for yourself or could handle for the long term? 

Savings and travel?  Ask yourself how much money you have and if your savings can withstand all these visits back and forth just to be able to see each other.  You cannot expect one person to be doing all the travelling.  You need to make the effort to fill in the distance between you, in order to keep the relationship alive. 

How busy are you? If you do not have much going on in your life besides your relationship with said person, this may not be a sensible option for you.  If you are busy in your everyday life and have hobbies to keep you occupied and prevent you from dwelling on the loneliness then a Long Distance Relationship will be easier for you to withstand.

Do you want the same things?  If you are going to take a chance on trusting someone with your heart, whether Long Distance or otherwise, it is important to know if you want the same things.  If compromising is on the horizon of major desires for life it is important you know about them before making this decision.  If you are fighting for different things or having to sacrifice what you want for your future just to be together, you have to ask yourself if this is worth it?

At the end of the day, you know what you can handle as a person.  If you are strong enough to handle all that comes with your partner being somewhere other than where you are, then there is no reason you shouldn’t give it a shot, particularly if your feelings for that person are worth pursuing or continuing.  Unfortunately whether there’s a million miles in between you and your partner or you live under the same roof, there are no guarantees when it comes to relationships.  It all comes down to taking a leap of faith and trusting that your feelings are matched by your partner and that you are compatible enough to last the distance.

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Tips to help you move on after a break-up

Breaking up with someone, or having being left by someone can bring on so many different emotions.  Not all of them are engaging.  There are a few things to bear in mind throughout these complicated times that will make it easier to accept realities and have you heading in the right direction towards something brand new.  If a relationship doesn’t work out for you, then there is typically a reason for this.  Be honest with yourself and allow yourself to discover what these reasons are.  Do not throw in the towel surrendering to an illusive idea that you were meant to end up alone.  Things may get worse before they get better, but they will work out in the end.

Time out - Take some time to yourself to reflect on your current circumstances.  Whether you were the person to end the relationship or not, it is a good idea to take the time to mirror what has happened.  Let out any residual feelings of anger, sadness or resentment.  Take some time for yourself and do not be afraid to cry and/or feel sorry for yourself.  Do not force yourself to be over an ended relationship whether it was by you own choosing or not.  Cutting the cord does not mean that it is any less painful or difficult to accept the reasons of your decision.  Take the time to spotlight what went wrong and what it is that you seek in any future relationships. 

Take it a day at a time - The longer you are with someone, the more intense your feelings for each other become.  You become a part of each other and finding yourself separate from them can be quiet difficult to re-adapt too.  It can leave you feeling like your world no longer makes sense.  This can take time to feel normal again and re-discover who you are without that person by your side.  Do not put unrealistic expectations and time limits on your healing.  There is no rush.  Take each day as it comes and with time, each day will become that little bit easier than the one before it.

No regrets - Regretting events of the past is pointless.  What’s done is done and you have to open your eyes to the possibilities of your future.  It will not bring any benefit to your life to stew on regrets and will only leave you viewing things negatively, keeping you in that place of unhappiness.  Keep positive thoughts and leave bitterness behind and make the most of all those things in your life that you cherish.

Don’t fear moving on - Just because a relationship did not work out does not mean that you have failed.  Do not be afraid to go down that road again.  New relationships can be scary and some people put up walls to protect themselves, but if you don’t let the bricks fall down and allow someone in to really get to know you, then you will never experience the excitement that comes along with meeting someone new. Not everyone you meet thinks like the exes of your past, which means it doesn't necessary imply your past experiences will repeat themselves.

Talk it out - In a break-up, particularly a regretful or unwanted one, emotional support is an important part of moving forward.  After the initial time out from it all, talk it out with your friends and family. Keep busy and avoid being in situations that give you too much time to think about what has happened.  This will only make you relive the occurrence over and over again.  Instead surround yourself with people who will refuse to let you see anything other than the reasons it did not work.

Trust you made the right decision (if you opted out) - If you have made the decision to walk away from your partner there is every chance that you have come to that conclusion for a reason.  Whether it was a rash decision or one that you had been thinking about for a while. Perhaps you were feeling like you deserve better, were over the lies, feel out of love with that person, distance was too much to bear, or just merely that you and your partner wanted different things in life and you didn't want to give up your dreams and sacrifice what you wanted for the sake of someone else.  Break-ups happen for many different reasons and at the end of the day, the cause is rarely unfounded. Do not let your ex make you feel guilty or question what you want.  Everybody deserves to live life the way they choose, not the way someone else wants them too.  It is your life and your heart and if you are not happy with who you are with, then what is the point?

It is not the end of the world (if your partner opted out) - There is one reassuring way to look at a relationship that has ended without your control or approval.  You have to ask yourself, “Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me?”  Everybody deserves to be with someone who couldn't imagine life without them by their side.  Do not grovel or over grieve for someone who does not feel this way about you. And perhaps most importantly, do not contact your ex.  This will only prevent you from taking the necessary steps to move on to the next chapter of your love life.  You may not see it yet, but something new and electrifying is on the next page waiting for you when you’re good and ready.

Building Trust in a Relationship

Trust or emotional safety in a relationship can often be a very difficult emotion to master, particularly for those who have been hurt and/or betrayed in previous relationships.  Time does not always heal wounds of our past.  Regardless, the fact of the matter is that trust is the basis of any relationship.  If you cannot trust someone you cannot have a healthy relationship with them, as these trust issues will end up destroying the relationship. It may not happen right away, though slowly but surely it will be what breaks you apart.  In order to be in a happy relationship you have to be willing to work on a mutual trust.  Here are a few pointers in building trust in your relationship for those of you who find that trust does not come naturally to you.

Be Honest – Number one rule in building trust in a relationship is merely to continuously be honest with your partner.  If your partner senses that you are being deceitful this will make it harder for them to trust you.  We do not always like what we hear but it will be a comfort to know that honesty is applied in every instance.  There is no room for secrets or lies in a healthy relationship.

Communication – Express your needs and feelings on situations with your partner.  If jealousy occurs let your partner know how it makes you feel.  They are then aware of your feelings and will take measures to let you know that there is nothing to worry about.  Give your partner a chance to set you straight and always be clear and completely honest about how you are feeling and listen carefully to their concerns in return.

Don’t hold your partner accountable for others actions – As much as you wish you could control every situation, it is unrealistic to believe this is possible.  Do not hold your partner accountable for others actions in any situation no matter how hurtful.  Your partner cannot change anyone’s feelings or events anymore then you yourself can.

Be reliable – In order for someone to surrender to trust they need to know that their partner is reliable.  If you say you are going to be somewhere, be there.  If you say you are going to do something for your partner, do it.  If you can rely on someone it makes it easier to trust them.

Don’t go to bed angry – Never let issues go unresolved.  If trust issues or jealousy occurs between you and your partner do not try and avoid the issues.  Although the conversation may not be desired it is mandatory to address them before they get even larger.  Resentment stems from feeling unheard or failing to deal with a problem.

Forget the past – Do not compare new relationships to the old ones.  Just because your previous partner may have hurt you, does not mean that your new one is even remotely capable of making the same mistakes.  Do not lay that burden on them; it is not their burden to bear. 

Remember nobody is perfect - Acknowledge that nobody is perfect and that happenings can often be different to how they appear.  Discover and compliment your partner’s qualities.  Belief in each other will facilitate trust building in any relationship.

Love is all about losing yourself in your feelings.  Take the leap and have faith that everything will work out the way it is meant too.  Building trust is not always easy and requires on-going work to keep it afloat, but it is important to remember there is no point in worrying about something that may never come to pass.  Live in the present and appreciate the happier moments of life. 

We would love your thoughts on this article. Please leave your comments below.

Advantages to Online Dating

Online dating has been known to come with its skepticism.  Many look at this type of dating with cynical eyes and disbelief that anything real can come of it.  I myself once reeked of this judgment when it came to the subject but after giving into my sisters convincing arguments, I am now in a happy relationship with someone that I met online.  Just like any type of engagement dating sites can come with their disadvantages.  There are a lot of people who use these sites that are not looking for devoted relationships and are just looking into it for a bit of uncommitted fun.  But just because you are approached by these kinds of people does not mean you are obligated to acknowledge their advances.  You get to choose who you would like to get to know.  Here are a few advantages of the new age way to meet your next partner.

• Convenience - All that is required to begin your online dating adventures is a computer, the internet and a dating site membership, which you can acquire for free on certain sites. There are members on at all times of the day ready to meet someone special.  You can get to know someone and decide if you are compatible with each other before suggesting or accepting to go out on a date.
• No Obligations - Just because someone is interested in you and making advances to get to know you, does not mean that you have to reciprocate.  Interested parties can ask, but it ultimately comes down to your decisions of who you would like to spend your time getting to know. 
• Privacy is respected -  Although a lot of these sites ask you several questions to discover your goals that they reveal to members of the same status, they do not however reveal personal details about yourself such as your name and address.  When you sign up you use a username and when you are in communications with other members it is up to you what you share about yourself.
• Finding Friends - You are not going to romantically connect with everybody you meet on dating sites but it is possible that you will make new lasting friendships whilst trying to find that connection.
• Variety - Using this medium to find someone special is more common then you think.  Because it has become such a popular way to meet people you will find a variety of people that you might not have met in your normal singles hang-outs.

Here are a few online dating sites circulating the internet today:

Plenty of Fish

RSVP

eHarmony 

Oasis Active

Slinky

Aussie Matchmaker

So, if you're finding it difficult meeting someone offline, let your scepticism go and give online dating a try.  There are millions of likeminded people using online dating sites to meet someone special. You never know, one of them might be exactly who you are looking for!  

If you have an online dating story, please share it with us in a comment below.  We would love to hear your search of true love was achieved behind a computer screen and letters of your keyboard.

The first time you say "I Love You"

Saying “I Love You” for the first time in a relationship is a big step.  Many people pro-long revealing their feelings for fear that it may be too soon for their partner to hear and that it is going to freak them out or scare them off.  Here is some advice for those who are thinking of expressing the three magic words that are the basis of every novel Nicholas Sparks has ever written. These three simple words can make way for many avenues in a relationship.

Take the risk – A significant thing to remember when you reach this point in your relationship is that there is no time frame for how long it takes someone to fall in love and more importantly there is no rule to who goes first.  When you feel it, you feel it and there is no need to keep your partner in the dark about it.  Make the choice to take a leap of faith and disclose your feelings.  There is no greater emotion then the knowledge that you are loved.  Once these words have been said, there is no going back so make sure you mean them. Do not say it for any other reason than to let your partner know how you feel.

Don’t expect the words returned – With the previous being said do not let the fear of not having the words returned discourage you from letting your partner know how you feel.  Just because they are not quite there yet, does not mean that they don’t care about you or that your relationship is not heading in the right direction.  Some people take longer to trust and open up to how they feel and therefore may take longer to instigate their emotion.

Spontaneity – Spontaneity is perhaps the best way to reveal your love for someone.  Let the feeling build up inside of you to the point where your subconscious can’t even keep it within. Like the best life has to offer, it is rarely planned.  If you find yourself having to stop yourself from saying it on a regular basis, it is most likely a sign that it is time to tell your partner know how you feel.  If it comes to mind so often you have to censor yourself, you obviously mean it with all of your heart.

And finally, Repetition – The “L” word is a delicate matter.  Once it has been let out of the bag, there is expectation - (particularly with women) to be reminded of these feelings.  Do not think just because you have said it once there is no cause for it to be uttered again.

Once you have expressed your feelings with words, remember that your actions need to match.  Loving someone is more then vocabulary and it is important to show your partner you understand this. 

How not to lose yourself in a relationship

When you are exploring a new relationship it is easy to lose yourself in it. But by doing this, you lose a part of yourself. If for some reason the relationship does not work out you are left with nothing. This makes you feel lost and empty. Here are a few tips to ensure that you do not lose yourself in a relationship. Break-ups are never easy. You may lose your partner, but by following these simple steps, you will not have lost everything. Furthermore, you do not want to change so much that your friends and family no longer relate to who you are.

Preserve your interests – Your hobbies tell a great deal about who you are as a person. While it is suggested that you support and try the interests of your partner, do not lose yourself in their interests. Do not take their hobbies on as your own and neglect what you once believed was important. Remember, your interests and hobbies may have been an attraction to your partner to begin with, because they explain who you are.

Prioritise your friends and family – Remember that your family and friends are a strong part of who you are as a person. When you avoid them to spend more time with your partner, you open up the door to alienation and allow for a distance between you that is hard to get back.

Don’t neglect yourself – Just because you have now become a “we”, does not mean you have to neglect “me.” It is important to remember that you will always be your number one priority. If you had a schedule or significant traditions before meeting your partner, do not lose sight of them. They are no less important, despite your recent love life.

Time Apart – There is no need to make ridiculous schedules in order for this to happen. Merely put some time aside every week where you are allowed to do your own thing. This will ensure that one person’s wants will not be taking precedent over the other person in the relationship.

Don’t romanticize your partner – Your partner may make you the happiest you have ever been. But don’t delude yourself into thinking that he/she is perfect. If you start to believe this, then if ever the possibility you break-up becomes your reality, you will find yourself thinking that you are the blunder because they could never do wrong in your eyes.

Do not hesitate to let your partner know how much they mean to you, but do not allow you individuality to be lost in the process. If you find it too hard to be separated in any stage of your relationship there is no harm in that. But be sure to regularly bring in those other people in your lives that mean a great deal to you. Do not lose sight of them or yourself.

Tips to add spice to your relationship

It is easy to become stuck in a rut in a relationship, particularly if you have been together for a long time. In order to keep your relationship strong you cannot afford to lose the spark that ignited when you first got together. Do not let the rut and routine of life, interfere with your relationship. By following these tips you can keep the spark alive in your relationship.

Take sex out of the bedroom – Take the predictability out of your sex life and move it out of the bedroom. Be spontaneous and make a new purpose for the other rooms in your house! Tables and benches have more uses then you may think.

Join your partner in the shower – Sometimes there is no better way to end the day, then to have your partner wash you in the shower. It is a sensual act that can perform as foreplay, so expect to need a couple of showers that night.

Turning Average games into strip ones – Get out your old board/card games that are sitting there collecting dust and for every game or round you play that your partner looses, they are demanded to take a piece of clothing off. The loser that ends up naked gets to have a taste of what it’s like to be a winner, by being rewarded with removing the remaining clothes on their partner.

Send your partner naughty messages, photos or videos – Sometimes it can be as simple as a raunchy text message to let your partner know that you wish they were with you. Send teasing messages throughout the day and get the benefits when they arrive home with built up anticipation from your message, photo or video. Let go of your insecurities and have some fun.

Lock Lips as often as you can – Break routine and instead of your regular good morning or goodnight kisses, surprise your partner throughout the day with spontaneous kisses. Even though this is something small, kisses can often be the first thing to disappear in a long term relationship. By avoiding this; it can also be a simple way to keep the spark alive.

Stop thinking about time – If you and your partner do not get into bed until very late, stop worrying about how tired you will be in the morning if you respond to the advances of your partner. Let go and have fun! I guarantee the smile on your face alone will get you through the following day, no matter how late you got to sleep.

Add Lingerie to your wardrobe – A lingerie set can show your partner that you are still willing to make the effort to excite them and can also leave the wearer feeling as sexy as they ever have. There is nothing like the feeling of watching your partner react to the revealing garments. They may not stay on long, but they are worth the flaunting. Visit www.confidenceiskeylingerie.com.au for a great range of affordable lingerie.

Bring in the toys – Instead of continuously doing what you are comfortable with in the bedroom, why not try new things. Try taking toys into the equation. Alternatively, if you are not comfortable with this try out new positions or watch a naughty movie.

Try your best to keep things interesting in a relationship. The longer you have been together the more effort you have to put in, because less things are new in the relationship. Make it a daily point to show your partner that they are still as important to you as when you first got together.

6 Signs your relationship is over

Do you find yourself in a relationship where you need to think of the good memories of the past in order to justify your relationship in the present? Or are you clinging on because of the uncertainty of what will happen next if you walk away? Maybe you’re afraid that you will end up alone as a consequence of your actions?

For all of us, the choice to leave someone is extremely difficult. Some of us are so hurt by the truths of our current situations that we begin living in a false reality just to make the relationship bearable to continue. This is anything but healthy and will not fix what is broken or lost. Ultimately breaking up is a part of growing up and helps us discover what it is that we want in a mature lifetime commitment. Having several different relationships is how we determine when we have found the right person. Sadly not everyone we date is going to be compatible with us long term. Here are a few signs that could indicate your relationship is not on the right track. Recognizing the signs could make your decision that little bit easier to bear.

1. The spark has burnt out – It is not a good sign when the butterflies disappear and you no longer feel the same way about each other. The spark is what differentiates you from merely being friends, as opposed to lovers. It holds the attraction you have for one another and once that attraction is gone there is no longer anything there that separates you from friends’ status. If your partner makes excuses not to be physical with you, or is only physical for his/her own needs and not the least bit concerned about what you want or need then the spark may have been lost. If a spark cannot be rekindled, then there is almost certainly a reason it is not meant to.
2. You start expecting each other to change – The point of a relationship is to enjoy the other person for who they are. If you find yourself wanting to change them, or alternatively if you find that your partner is trying to change you then odds are you really shouldn’t be together. We all have quirks that annoy others, but if they bother your partner so much that they feel the need to change you, then they do not love you as much as they should. This is often a realisation not long after the honeymoon period wears off. Remember that unconditional love is the only love worth fighting for.
3. When unhappiness overrides the pleasure – Undesirably sometimes a fading relationship can leave you feeling frustrated, upset and miserable more than feeling excited, contented and carefree. If there is more bad then good, then you are only dooming yourself to a life of unhappiness. Everybody has the right to unlimited supplies of the best life has to offer and if you are not experiencing this in your current relationship then you should perhaps find one where you can. Do not let your hope that this will change be the reason that you cling to what may never be there.
4. Emotional, physical and verbal pain – There is no explanation for abuse of any kind. When your partner crosses that line, there is undoubtedly something wrong in your relationship. If your partner has abused you in any way whether it be physical abuse, verbal abuse, or just emotional hurt, it is unmistakably time to walk away. There is no point being in a relationship that is a constant battle to you emotionally or physically.
5. Reoccurring issues – If you cannot spend time with your partner without either of you picking a fight or insulting one another then it is more than possible that neither of you have anything left to say to each other. If you have addressed the motive for your fighting and still continue to struggle about it then chances are it is just one of those things that cannot be compromised on. The reality is you deserve better then someone who is always making you feel like a failure and attacking you personally.
6. No time for each other – If your partner was once very attentive, putting you up on a pedestal and always making you number one on his/her list of priorities and has started making excuses for why they cannot spend time with you, it is most likely a sign that their heart is no longer in the relationship. If it appears that they have stopped making effort in your relationship, do yourself a favour and do the same. If you continue to make unreturned effort you will end up resenting the person for it and in the end you will burn out and stop caring yourself, being left wondering what it was you were fighting for in the first place. Save yourself some heartache. It takes two to make a relationship be successful and if only one party is doing all the hard yards, then it is not going to work. Both parties need to want to be together for a relationship to succeed and no matter how hard you try; you cannot make somebody want something that they don’t want. Besides, why would you want to waste your time with someone you have to convince to spend time with you?

If you are having doubts about your relationship then there are more than likely justified reasons for this. Do not waste their time or your own. Listen to your heart, be honest with yourself and do not stay in a relationship that is not right for you merely because of fear or avoidance of a difficult life altering decision. Seek advice but do not take others opinions on as your own, unless they are what you truly believe. Only you can know in your gut what the right decision is, and it is you who has to follow through with it.

7 Tips to cope when your partner is away

When you care about somebody deeply, the most awful thing you can experience is being separated from them. Whether they are in a job that requires them to be away from you for a long period of time or are away for education purposes, living without your partner for a considerable quantity of time can be excruciating. Do not permit your partner's absence to put you in a bad place. Alternatively, learn how to survive with your partner being away until you can be with them once again. This can be a challenging mission that can take time to perfect but as the saying goes, “Missing someone gets easier every day. Because, even though it is one day further from the last time you saw each other, it is one day closer to the next time you will” As hard as this is to imagine in the beginning, here are some steps to follow to prevent yourself from feeling worse then you have to during a period of absence from your partner.

1. Acceptance. Although it undoubtedly feels like it is, it is not the end of the world. Accept this undesirable reality as something that you cannot change. If it is not possible to follow your partner, there is no point dwelling on something beyond your control. All you can do is make the best of the cards that you and your partner have been dealt. Allow yourself time to accept what is and do not automatically think that your relationship is over just because their is now distance between you. Relationships have been known to develop a new sense of appreciation after being divided, as every second you have together is cherished all the more.

2. Do not alienate yourself from your friends and family. It becomes hard to socialise while you are feeling down and lonely. But there is nothing worse than locking yourself up and avoiding your social life. You may feel as if you wouldn’t be much company while you are feeling so low, but your friends will know how the distance from your partner is making you feel and will more than likely do their best to get your mind off the fact that your partner is not there. Also the people you know who have been there before or are going through it too, could also offer support and suggestions on coping during this complicated time that you may not have thought of before.

3. Find a new hobby. Try and keep busy. Too much time on your hands to think of the absence leads to frustration and anger, which are never the answer. The more hours of each day that are taken up from something that makes you preoccupied, the less likely you are to sit in front of the TV with a carton of ice-cream drowning in your sorrows. It is important that you recognise that while you deeply care for your partner, they are not the only thing in your life that can incur happiness. Do not count down the days till they return. This is not an admirable pass time when you are separated from your partner. However look at this as the perfect opportunity to try something new. All the things you have always wanted to do but never quite had the time or courage to make it happen.

4. Do not let your mind get the better of you. When you are away from your partner, especially when you are unable to contact them, your mind can play tricks on you with assumptions of where they are, who they’re with and what they are doing. Do not listen to your insecurities as they will only lead to stress and heartache of which is more often then not unjustified. If your partner truly cares for you, then they are anticipating their return as much as you yourself are. To convince yourself otherwise will just drive you insane. Trust is the key to a successful long distance relationship.

5. Communicate with your partner. This will make the distance easier to handle and at times feel like they are not really gone. Do not allow the distance to disconnect you both from each other’s lives. But do not permit yourself to sit by the phone and wait for their call or message either. This will only make it harder on you. Instead of being disappointed, let the occurrence happen when it does and you will be all the more appreciative of it. Let them know that you are missing them like crazy; it is surprising how much of the sting is extinguished knowing your partner is hurting and missing you just as much.

6. Take this time to focus on you. Spend a little extra time on yourself. With all this spare time on your hands, there is no better moment to put yourself first. Get a new haircut, spend a few days pampering yourself. Plan an outfit or lingerie for the return of your partner. Anything that prevents you from being alone and feeling sorry for yourself. This is no way to handle a long distance situation and will only amplify the hurt you are feeling.

7. Do not make promises you can’t keep. Sometimes there are unforeseen bridges that get in the way when a couple is distanced from one another. Do not make any promises. If you do not make promises they cannot be broken and this will allow for fewer disappointments. Just take each day as it comes and above all, be honest with each other every step of the way.

Being apart from each other is never painless, but for those who are committed, there is nothing more comforting then the belief that “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” You may not have your loved one in your arms today, but that’s why the tomorrows are worth waiting for.