Don'ts in a Long Distance Relationship

Just like any relationship you may experience, the long distance variety is a work in progress.  Unfortunately it requires that little bit extra attention in areas that  normally wouldn't be of great importance. Here are a few pointers for those of you experiencing a long distance relationship.  A lot of advice provided in this area focuses on the Do's and neglects to mention those things that should be avoided.

Don’t expect too much – In the majority of cases long distance relationships are due to one needing to be elsewhere for their job.  Do not expect your partner to be available to message, talk or Skype just because you are not busy.  Keep in mind that they are there to work and time differences are also something to consider.  Just because they are not talking to you, does not mean that they are doing something they shouldn’t be.  Do not let your mind and assumptions get the better of you.

Don’t put yourself in certain situations – Long distance relationships can leave you miserable and lonely.  Do not allow yourself to be in situations that could potentially destroy what you have with your partner.  Opt out of spending time alone with someone who may be a sexual interest, especially if there is alcohol involved.  It would be a shame to jeopardise your relationship just because you are feeling vulnerable.   Be realistic when making decisions about when it comes to situations that may become out of your control. 

Don’t overdo contact – Although the urgency to hear from your partner has amplified, even in a no distance relationship we all need space to do our own thing.  Do not suffocate your partner every second of every day just because they are out of reach.  Remember that you both still have a life of your own, as you would if you were living together.

Don’t expect him or her to come to you all the time – Frequent visits can become very expensive.  Do not expect your partner to always be the one to come to you.  Share the travel between each other.  Also remember just because your partner may have a break from what is keeping them away from you, does not mean that they are realistically able to be by your side.  If you share the travel cost amongst you, it will ensure you have more time together and take the burden of just one of you.

Don’t Flirt – Avoid flirting.  This could give the other person the idea that you are interested and available and get you into situations that could have been avoided.  Save the flirtatiousness for your partner who you are longing to see.

Don’t expect your relationship to fail – If you are a believer that long distance relationships never work out in the end, do your partner a favour and don’t pursue the avenue in the first place.  It will save a lot of your partner’s time when you eventually give up on the idea.  Long distance relationships take a lot of investment and if you are not willing to give it your all, don’t be cruel by allowing your partner to think you’re in it for the long haul.

Don’t Lie – If you can believe it possible, communication is even more important in a long distance relationship.  Be honest with your partner on how you feel.  If you need a day to yourself let your partner know.  Avoid making excuses for why you cannot take their phone call or reply to their emails.  If you start telling the little fibs, it is only a matter of time before you are dishonest about the bigger things of greater importance.


Remember, realistically it may never get easier being away from the person you love and unless someone is/has experienced the distance you are feeling then they are not going to understand how it makes you feel.  But it is important on those hard days to remind yourself that everyday you spend away from each other is one day closer to the day you will see them again.  


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Find our other articles relating to long distance relationships here:-
7 Tips to cope when your partner is away
Valentine's Day for Long Distance Couples

7 Tips to cope when your partner is away

When you care about somebody deeply, the most awful thing you can experience is being separated from them. Whether they are in a job that requires them to be away from you for a long period of time or are away for education purposes, living without your partner for a considerable quantity of time can be excruciating. Do not permit your partner's absence to put you in a bad place. Alternatively, learn how to survive with your partner being away until you can be with them once again. This can be a challenging mission that can take time to perfect but as the saying goes, “Missing someone gets easier every day. Because, even though it is one day further from the last time you saw each other, it is one day closer to the next time you will” As hard as this is to imagine in the beginning, here are some steps to follow to prevent yourself from feeling worse then you have to during a period of absence from your partner.

1. Acceptance. Although it undoubtedly feels like it is, it is not the end of the world. Accept this undesirable reality as something that you cannot change. If it is not possible to follow your partner, there is no point dwelling on something beyond your control. All you can do is make the best of the cards that you and your partner have been dealt. Allow yourself time to accept what is and do not automatically think that your relationship is over just because their is now distance between you. Relationships have been known to develop a new sense of appreciation after being divided, as every second you have together is cherished all the more.

2. Do not alienate yourself from your friends and family. It becomes hard to socialise while you are feeling down and lonely. But there is nothing worse than locking yourself up and avoiding your social life. You may feel as if you wouldn’t be much company while you are feeling so low, but your friends will know how the distance from your partner is making you feel and will more than likely do their best to get your mind off the fact that your partner is not there. Also the people you know who have been there before or are going through it too, could also offer support and suggestions on coping during this complicated time that you may not have thought of before.

3. Find a new hobby. Try and keep busy. Too much time on your hands to think of the absence leads to frustration and anger, which are never the answer. The more hours of each day that are taken up from something that makes you preoccupied, the less likely you are to sit in front of the TV with a carton of ice-cream drowning in your sorrows. It is important that you recognise that while you deeply care for your partner, they are not the only thing in your life that can incur happiness. Do not count down the days till they return. This is not an admirable pass time when you are separated from your partner. However look at this as the perfect opportunity to try something new. All the things you have always wanted to do but never quite had the time or courage to make it happen.

4. Do not let your mind get the better of you. When you are away from your partner, especially when you are unable to contact them, your mind can play tricks on you with assumptions of where they are, who they’re with and what they are doing. Do not listen to your insecurities as they will only lead to stress and heartache of which is more often then not unjustified. If your partner truly cares for you, then they are anticipating their return as much as you yourself are. To convince yourself otherwise will just drive you insane. Trust is the key to a successful long distance relationship.

5. Communicate with your partner. This will make the distance easier to handle and at times feel like they are not really gone. Do not allow the distance to disconnect you both from each other’s lives. But do not permit yourself to sit by the phone and wait for their call or message either. This will only make it harder on you. Instead of being disappointed, let the occurrence happen when it does and you will be all the more appreciative of it. Let them know that you are missing them like crazy; it is surprising how much of the sting is extinguished knowing your partner is hurting and missing you just as much.

6. Take this time to focus on you. Spend a little extra time on yourself. With all this spare time on your hands, there is no better moment to put yourself first. Get a new haircut, spend a few days pampering yourself. Plan an outfit or lingerie for the return of your partner. Anything that prevents you from being alone and feeling sorry for yourself. This is no way to handle a long distance situation and will only amplify the hurt you are feeling.

7. Do not make promises you can’t keep. Sometimes there are unforeseen bridges that get in the way when a couple is distanced from one another. Do not make any promises. If you do not make promises they cannot be broken and this will allow for fewer disappointments. Just take each day as it comes and above all, be honest with each other every step of the way.

Being apart from each other is never painless, but for those who are committed, there is nothing more comforting then the belief that “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” You may not have your loved one in your arms today, but that’s why the tomorrows are worth waiting for.