Things to consider before entering a long distance relationship

Long Distance Relationships are not impossible but you have to be realistic and understand that they are a lot of hard work.  You need to both be willing to make the effort to keep the connection alive otherwise you will end up feeling that you are living separate lives, instead of the one you should be living together.  Here are a few things to consider before going down that road.

Are you a jealous person?  If you are the jealous type this may pose a problem.  The distance between you and your existing or potential partner means you can never be 100% sure of what they are doing or who they are with.  It all comes down to trust and if you know you are the jealous type then you may not be able to handle the paranoia that comes with a long distances relationships dooming separation.

Is the distance between you going to be on-going? You have to ask if the distance is for a short term or a long term.  If your partner is only going away for a certain amount of time to achieve a goal then this is one thing, but if it is a suspected lifestyle choice this is something you have to consider if you could live with.  If your relationship is all about phone calls, text messages, Skype, emails and Facebook instead of physical contact, is that something you really want for yourself or could handle for the long term? 

Savings and travel?  Ask yourself how much money you have and if your savings can withstand all these visits back and forth just to be able to see each other.  You cannot expect one person to be doing all the travelling.  You need to make the effort to fill in the distance between you, in order to keep the relationship alive. 

How busy are you? If you do not have much going on in your life besides your relationship with said person, this may not be a sensible option for you.  If you are busy in your everyday life and have hobbies to keep you occupied and prevent you from dwelling on the loneliness then a Long Distance Relationship will be easier for you to withstand.

Do you want the same things?  If you are going to take a chance on trusting someone with your heart, whether Long Distance or otherwise, it is important to know if you want the same things.  If compromising is on the horizon of major desires for life it is important you know about them before making this decision.  If you are fighting for different things or having to sacrifice what you want for your future just to be together, you have to ask yourself if this is worth it?

At the end of the day, you know what you can handle as a person.  If you are strong enough to handle all that comes with your partner being somewhere other than where you are, then there is no reason you shouldn’t give it a shot, particularly if your feelings for that person are worth pursuing or continuing.  Unfortunately whether there’s a million miles in between you and your partner or you live under the same roof, there are no guarantees when it comes to relationships.  It all comes down to taking a leap of faith and trusting that your feelings are matched by your partner and that you are compatible enough to last the distance.

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Don'ts in a Long Distance Relationship

Just like any relationship you may experience, the long distance variety is a work in progress.  Unfortunately it requires that little bit extra attention in areas that  normally wouldn't be of great importance. Here are a few pointers for those of you experiencing a long distance relationship.  A lot of advice provided in this area focuses on the Do's and neglects to mention those things that should be avoided.

Don’t expect too much – In the majority of cases long distance relationships are due to one needing to be elsewhere for their job.  Do not expect your partner to be available to message, talk or Skype just because you are not busy.  Keep in mind that they are there to work and time differences are also something to consider.  Just because they are not talking to you, does not mean that they are doing something they shouldn’t be.  Do not let your mind and assumptions get the better of you.

Don’t put yourself in certain situations – Long distance relationships can leave you miserable and lonely.  Do not allow yourself to be in situations that could potentially destroy what you have with your partner.  Opt out of spending time alone with someone who may be a sexual interest, especially if there is alcohol involved.  It would be a shame to jeopardise your relationship just because you are feeling vulnerable.   Be realistic when making decisions about when it comes to situations that may become out of your control. 

Don’t overdo contact – Although the urgency to hear from your partner has amplified, even in a no distance relationship we all need space to do our own thing.  Do not suffocate your partner every second of every day just because they are out of reach.  Remember that you both still have a life of your own, as you would if you were living together.

Don’t expect him or her to come to you all the time – Frequent visits can become very expensive.  Do not expect your partner to always be the one to come to you.  Share the travel between each other.  Also remember just because your partner may have a break from what is keeping them away from you, does not mean that they are realistically able to be by your side.  If you share the travel cost amongst you, it will ensure you have more time together and take the burden of just one of you.

Don’t Flirt – Avoid flirting.  This could give the other person the idea that you are interested and available and get you into situations that could have been avoided.  Save the flirtatiousness for your partner who you are longing to see.

Don’t expect your relationship to fail – If you are a believer that long distance relationships never work out in the end, do your partner a favour and don’t pursue the avenue in the first place.  It will save a lot of your partner’s time when you eventually give up on the idea.  Long distance relationships take a lot of investment and if you are not willing to give it your all, don’t be cruel by allowing your partner to think you’re in it for the long haul.

Don’t Lie – If you can believe it possible, communication is even more important in a long distance relationship.  Be honest with your partner on how you feel.  If you need a day to yourself let your partner know.  Avoid making excuses for why you cannot take their phone call or reply to their emails.  If you start telling the little fibs, it is only a matter of time before you are dishonest about the bigger things of greater importance.


Remember, realistically it may never get easier being away from the person you love and unless someone is/has experienced the distance you are feeling then they are not going to understand how it makes you feel.  But it is important on those hard days to remind yourself that everyday you spend away from each other is one day closer to the day you will see them again.  


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Find our other articles relating to long distance relationships here:-
7 Tips to cope when your partner is away
Valentine's Day for Long Distance Couples