Things to consider before entering a long distance relationship

Long Distance Relationships are not impossible but you have to be realistic and understand that they are a lot of hard work.  You need to both be willing to make the effort to keep the connection alive otherwise you will end up feeling that you are living separate lives, instead of the one you should be living together.  Here are a few things to consider before going down that road.

Are you a jealous person?  If you are the jealous type this may pose a problem.  The distance between you and your existing or potential partner means you can never be 100% sure of what they are doing or who they are with.  It all comes down to trust and if you know you are the jealous type then you may not be able to handle the paranoia that comes with a long distances relationships dooming separation.

Is the distance between you going to be on-going? You have to ask if the distance is for a short term or a long term.  If your partner is only going away for a certain amount of time to achieve a goal then this is one thing, but if it is a suspected lifestyle choice this is something you have to consider if you could live with.  If your relationship is all about phone calls, text messages, Skype, emails and Facebook instead of physical contact, is that something you really want for yourself or could handle for the long term? 

Savings and travel?  Ask yourself how much money you have and if your savings can withstand all these visits back and forth just to be able to see each other.  You cannot expect one person to be doing all the travelling.  You need to make the effort to fill in the distance between you, in order to keep the relationship alive. 

How busy are you? If you do not have much going on in your life besides your relationship with said person, this may not be a sensible option for you.  If you are busy in your everyday life and have hobbies to keep you occupied and prevent you from dwelling on the loneliness then a Long Distance Relationship will be easier for you to withstand.

Do you want the same things?  If you are going to take a chance on trusting someone with your heart, whether Long Distance or otherwise, it is important to know if you want the same things.  If compromising is on the horizon of major desires for life it is important you know about them before making this decision.  If you are fighting for different things or having to sacrifice what you want for your future just to be together, you have to ask yourself if this is worth it?

At the end of the day, you know what you can handle as a person.  If you are strong enough to handle all that comes with your partner being somewhere other than where you are, then there is no reason you shouldn’t give it a shot, particularly if your feelings for that person are worth pursuing or continuing.  Unfortunately whether there’s a million miles in between you and your partner or you live under the same roof, there are no guarantees when it comes to relationships.  It all comes down to taking a leap of faith and trusting that your feelings are matched by your partner and that you are compatible enough to last the distance.

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Common mistakes couples make in long distance relationships

Do not refuse to get a webcam – put your self-consciousness aside and invest in a webcam.  There is no better way to keep yourself invested in your efforts of a long distance relationship then seeing your partners’ facial expressions when you talk to each other.  It is important to remember that men in particular are very visual people. 

Assume your partner knows how you feel – Do not stop talking to your partner about how you feel.  Just because you are sharing the situation does not mean you shouldn’t share how it makes you feel and definitely do not neglect to let them know they still mean the world to you. 

Taking your partner for granted – do not make the mistake of taking your partner for granted. Do not stop making effort because you assume you always have your partner.  Long distance relationships require more effort than a no distance relationship to keep the love and spark alive and kicking.  Do not lose appreciation for the connection that was too strong to call it quits when you become separated.

Not having a plan – do not be blasé about what is to come or have the attitude that you will take it as it comes.  Have a plan of where you would like to be in the future.  Make a plan as to visits and keeping each other close even though you are far apart.

Accusations of the unknown – Long distance relationships come with their fair share of paranoid feelings of what your partner is up to and who they are with.  Do not let this take over and find yourself accusing your partner of something you have no proof of ever happening.  Trust is key; no relationship can survive without trust.  Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.  Have faith that they love you too much to through it away on a fling when you are apart.

Ignoring the life that’s in front of you – succumbing to your loneliness will only make it that much harder for you to deal with what is.  Go on about the life that is right in front of you.  Do not allow yourself to sit by the phone and pine away for the next time you get to hear your partner’s voice.  Keep yourself busy, but not so busy that you can never be reached when your partner is able to contact you.

Don'ts in a Long Distance Relationship

Just like any relationship you may experience, the long distance variety is a work in progress.  Unfortunately it requires that little bit extra attention in areas that  normally wouldn't be of great importance. Here are a few pointers for those of you experiencing a long distance relationship.  A lot of advice provided in this area focuses on the Do's and neglects to mention those things that should be avoided.

Don’t expect too much – In the majority of cases long distance relationships are due to one needing to be elsewhere for their job.  Do not expect your partner to be available to message, talk or Skype just because you are not busy.  Keep in mind that they are there to work and time differences are also something to consider.  Just because they are not talking to you, does not mean that they are doing something they shouldn’t be.  Do not let your mind and assumptions get the better of you.

Don’t put yourself in certain situations – Long distance relationships can leave you miserable and lonely.  Do not allow yourself to be in situations that could potentially destroy what you have with your partner.  Opt out of spending time alone with someone who may be a sexual interest, especially if there is alcohol involved.  It would be a shame to jeopardise your relationship just because you are feeling vulnerable.   Be realistic when making decisions about when it comes to situations that may become out of your control. 

Don’t overdo contact – Although the urgency to hear from your partner has amplified, even in a no distance relationship we all need space to do our own thing.  Do not suffocate your partner every second of every day just because they are out of reach.  Remember that you both still have a life of your own, as you would if you were living together.

Don’t expect him or her to come to you all the time – Frequent visits can become very expensive.  Do not expect your partner to always be the one to come to you.  Share the travel between each other.  Also remember just because your partner may have a break from what is keeping them away from you, does not mean that they are realistically able to be by your side.  If you share the travel cost amongst you, it will ensure you have more time together and take the burden of just one of you.

Don’t Flirt – Avoid flirting.  This could give the other person the idea that you are interested and available and get you into situations that could have been avoided.  Save the flirtatiousness for your partner who you are longing to see.

Don’t expect your relationship to fail – If you are a believer that long distance relationships never work out in the end, do your partner a favour and don’t pursue the avenue in the first place.  It will save a lot of your partner’s time when you eventually give up on the idea.  Long distance relationships take a lot of investment and if you are not willing to give it your all, don’t be cruel by allowing your partner to think you’re in it for the long haul.

Don’t Lie – If you can believe it possible, communication is even more important in a long distance relationship.  Be honest with your partner on how you feel.  If you need a day to yourself let your partner know.  Avoid making excuses for why you cannot take their phone call or reply to their emails.  If you start telling the little fibs, it is only a matter of time before you are dishonest about the bigger things of greater importance.


Remember, realistically it may never get easier being away from the person you love and unless someone is/has experienced the distance you are feeling then they are not going to understand how it makes you feel.  But it is important on those hard days to remind yourself that everyday you spend away from each other is one day closer to the day you will see them again.  


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Find our other articles relating to long distance relationships here:-
7 Tips to cope when your partner is away
Valentine's Day for Long Distance Couples

Valentine’s Day for Long Distance Couples

If you are experiencing a long distance relationship, you are no stranger to the constant longing that the distance causes. Normal days can already be a challenge, but on the special occasions, it can feel unbearable. With Valentine’s Day speedily approaching, it is easy to find yourself dreading the occasion. As your friends are happily planning their evening, you are left thinking about spending it alone. This does not have to be a dreaded occasion. There are ways to celebrate and appreciate this day of romance even if you and your partner are far apart.

Firstly, put time aside for your partner. If you cannot make it to where they are due to finances, be sure to make your partner aware of just how much they mean to you and that you put them first above all on this day that you wish you could be together. The more thought you put into this day, the easier you will make it on your partner.

Find interesting ways to send your partner romantic messages throughout the day, Such as “My thought of the day is you.” Here are some ideas of ways to get these messages to your partner all day long.

• Text Message
• Email
• E-Card
• Mail (via overnight express to guarantee it gets there on time, or alternatively have a mutual friend hand deliver.)
• Send Flowers
• Facebook

These are only a few ideas of an endless amount of possibilities. Be original; try using methods that your partner would never expect, so they don’t see it coming.

Send your partner a care package with little things that will remind them of the love that you both share. You can include a mixed CD of your favorite songs, a teddy bear sprayed with your most used perfume or cologne, a scrapbook full of moments you have shared together, and a Valentine’s Day card expressing your feelings for your partner. For other possible gift ideas for your partner on Valentine’s Day, visit www.confidenceiskeylingerie.com.au Any gesture big or small is going to be received with open arms and a fulfilled heart.

Plan a night of romance with each other even if you cannot physically be together. Have a nice dinner and watch a movie. “Going the Distance” and “Valentine’s Day” are both appropriate ideas for this occasion. Snuggle up with a stuffed animal your partner has given you in the past and take comfort that you are doing something together, even if you cannot see them.

Turn on your webcam and enjoy the sight of your partner as you chat away for hours in a chat room. Or connect with each other on Skype. Make the most of each other’s company and talk as if they are right in front of you. You will appreciate the contact and feel a definite connection.

If it is possible, at the end of the night give your partner a call. Relax in a candle lit bubble bath and take comfort that the last thing you hear that night is the sound of your partners’ voice. This will ensure that any tears that are shed at the end of the night are of the happy variety.

7 Tips to cope when your partner is away

When you care about somebody deeply, the most awful thing you can experience is being separated from them. Whether they are in a job that requires them to be away from you for a long period of time or are away for education purposes, living without your partner for a considerable quantity of time can be excruciating. Do not permit your partner's absence to put you in a bad place. Alternatively, learn how to survive with your partner being away until you can be with them once again. This can be a challenging mission that can take time to perfect but as the saying goes, “Missing someone gets easier every day. Because, even though it is one day further from the last time you saw each other, it is one day closer to the next time you will” As hard as this is to imagine in the beginning, here are some steps to follow to prevent yourself from feeling worse then you have to during a period of absence from your partner.

1. Acceptance. Although it undoubtedly feels like it is, it is not the end of the world. Accept this undesirable reality as something that you cannot change. If it is not possible to follow your partner, there is no point dwelling on something beyond your control. All you can do is make the best of the cards that you and your partner have been dealt. Allow yourself time to accept what is and do not automatically think that your relationship is over just because their is now distance between you. Relationships have been known to develop a new sense of appreciation after being divided, as every second you have together is cherished all the more.

2. Do not alienate yourself from your friends and family. It becomes hard to socialise while you are feeling down and lonely. But there is nothing worse than locking yourself up and avoiding your social life. You may feel as if you wouldn’t be much company while you are feeling so low, but your friends will know how the distance from your partner is making you feel and will more than likely do their best to get your mind off the fact that your partner is not there. Also the people you know who have been there before or are going through it too, could also offer support and suggestions on coping during this complicated time that you may not have thought of before.

3. Find a new hobby. Try and keep busy. Too much time on your hands to think of the absence leads to frustration and anger, which are never the answer. The more hours of each day that are taken up from something that makes you preoccupied, the less likely you are to sit in front of the TV with a carton of ice-cream drowning in your sorrows. It is important that you recognise that while you deeply care for your partner, they are not the only thing in your life that can incur happiness. Do not count down the days till they return. This is not an admirable pass time when you are separated from your partner. However look at this as the perfect opportunity to try something new. All the things you have always wanted to do but never quite had the time or courage to make it happen.

4. Do not let your mind get the better of you. When you are away from your partner, especially when you are unable to contact them, your mind can play tricks on you with assumptions of where they are, who they’re with and what they are doing. Do not listen to your insecurities as they will only lead to stress and heartache of which is more often then not unjustified. If your partner truly cares for you, then they are anticipating their return as much as you yourself are. To convince yourself otherwise will just drive you insane. Trust is the key to a successful long distance relationship.

5. Communicate with your partner. This will make the distance easier to handle and at times feel like they are not really gone. Do not allow the distance to disconnect you both from each other’s lives. But do not permit yourself to sit by the phone and wait for their call or message either. This will only make it harder on you. Instead of being disappointed, let the occurrence happen when it does and you will be all the more appreciative of it. Let them know that you are missing them like crazy; it is surprising how much of the sting is extinguished knowing your partner is hurting and missing you just as much.

6. Take this time to focus on you. Spend a little extra time on yourself. With all this spare time on your hands, there is no better moment to put yourself first. Get a new haircut, spend a few days pampering yourself. Plan an outfit or lingerie for the return of your partner. Anything that prevents you from being alone and feeling sorry for yourself. This is no way to handle a long distance situation and will only amplify the hurt you are feeling.

7. Do not make promises you can’t keep. Sometimes there are unforeseen bridges that get in the way when a couple is distanced from one another. Do not make any promises. If you do not make promises they cannot be broken and this will allow for fewer disappointments. Just take each day as it comes and above all, be honest with each other every step of the way.

Being apart from each other is never painless, but for those who are committed, there is nothing more comforting then the belief that “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” You may not have your loved one in your arms today, but that’s why the tomorrows are worth waiting for.