Tips to help with fears of abandonment

Identify your fear – It is easier to overcome an issue if you come to terms with it first.  Accept your fear and make efforts to conquer it.  Do not push it in the background and just accept that it’s the way you are meant to be.  Overcoming a fear can be a long process, but avoidance is never the answer and can prevent you from living a fulfilling life and opening up to love. 

Determine the source – fears such as this rarely come from nowhere.  Experiences in your life generally hold the key to why it is you fear abandonment.  Locating the source of your apprehension is the first step to tackling the problem and until this is done, you cannot conquer your fear. Often it is when you are most happy that your fear emerges to ruin what you have.

Deal with the past - Sometimes occurrences can be hard to remember due to your human defense of shutting experiences out to avoid pain of living with it.  Do not be ashamed to seek a therapists help to dig deeper into yourself to find the cause.  Let the events of your past go.  It is only then, that you will be able to open the doors to a fear free future.  Often our fears are what hold us back from what it is we want.  By fearing everyone will leave you, your distrust pushes them away. 

Don’t categorize people – If you have been hurt by someone do not automatically assume that everyone is going to hurt you. Allowing ourselves to over-generalize following the occurrence that has brought on our fear only prevents us from trusting another person.  Just because you have been cheated on by a man does not mean that all men can’t be trusted.  Just because someone you loved left you, doesn’t mean that everyone you love is going to leave you.  

Take things as they come – Enjoy each moment that is presented in your relationships.  Painful experiences are all par for the course but I strongly believe that people come into our lives for a reason no less significant than the reasons they leave.  If something bad happens, then believe there is a reason for it.  There is no point in worrying about something that may never come to pass.  If you fear the negatives all your life you will be blind to the positives. Do not allow yourself to avoid a committed relationship for fear it will not last.

Common mistakes couples make in long distance relationships

Do not refuse to get a webcam – put your self-consciousness aside and invest in a webcam.  There is no better way to keep yourself invested in your efforts of a long distance relationship then seeing your partners’ facial expressions when you talk to each other.  It is important to remember that men in particular are very visual people. 

Assume your partner knows how you feel – Do not stop talking to your partner about how you feel.  Just because you are sharing the situation does not mean you shouldn’t share how it makes you feel and definitely do not neglect to let them know they still mean the world to you. 

Taking your partner for granted – do not make the mistake of taking your partner for granted. Do not stop making effort because you assume you always have your partner.  Long distance relationships require more effort than a no distance relationship to keep the love and spark alive and kicking.  Do not lose appreciation for the connection that was too strong to call it quits when you become separated.

Not having a plan – do not be blasé about what is to come or have the attitude that you will take it as it comes.  Have a plan of where you would like to be in the future.  Make a plan as to visits and keeping each other close even though you are far apart.

Accusations of the unknown – Long distance relationships come with their fair share of paranoid feelings of what your partner is up to and who they are with.  Do not let this take over and find yourself accusing your partner of something you have no proof of ever happening.  Trust is key; no relationship can survive without trust.  Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.  Have faith that they love you too much to through it away on a fling when you are apart.

Ignoring the life that’s in front of you – succumbing to your loneliness will only make it that much harder for you to deal with what is.  Go on about the life that is right in front of you.  Do not allow yourself to sit by the phone and pine away for the next time you get to hear your partner’s voice.  Keep yourself busy, but not so busy that you can never be reached when your partner is able to contact you.