Tips to help with fears of abandonment

Identify your fear – It is easier to overcome an issue if you come to terms with it first.  Accept your fear and make efforts to conquer it.  Do not push it in the background and just accept that it’s the way you are meant to be.  Overcoming a fear can be a long process, but avoidance is never the answer and can prevent you from living a fulfilling life and opening up to love. 

Determine the source – fears such as this rarely come from nowhere.  Experiences in your life generally hold the key to why it is you fear abandonment.  Locating the source of your apprehension is the first step to tackling the problem and until this is done, you cannot conquer your fear. Often it is when you are most happy that your fear emerges to ruin what you have.

Deal with the past - Sometimes occurrences can be hard to remember due to your human defense of shutting experiences out to avoid pain of living with it.  Do not be ashamed to seek a therapists help to dig deeper into yourself to find the cause.  Let the events of your past go.  It is only then, that you will be able to open the doors to a fear free future.  Often our fears are what hold us back from what it is we want.  By fearing everyone will leave you, your distrust pushes them away. 

Don’t categorize people – If you have been hurt by someone do not automatically assume that everyone is going to hurt you. Allowing ourselves to over-generalize following the occurrence that has brought on our fear only prevents us from trusting another person.  Just because you have been cheated on by a man does not mean that all men can’t be trusted.  Just because someone you loved left you, doesn’t mean that everyone you love is going to leave you.  

Take things as they come – Enjoy each moment that is presented in your relationships.  Painful experiences are all par for the course but I strongly believe that people come into our lives for a reason no less significant than the reasons they leave.  If something bad happens, then believe there is a reason for it.  There is no point in worrying about something that may never come to pass.  If you fear the negatives all your life you will be blind to the positives. Do not allow yourself to avoid a committed relationship for fear it will not last.

Tips for Moving in Together

Moving in together for the first time is a big step. It opens your eyes to your partner’s imperfections, which may have gone unnoticed when you were living apart. Irritations may occur during the initial stages of the move. Try your best not to take them out on each other.  This is something that you are in on together.  Here are a few tips to make the transition unproblematic on you both.

Ground Rules – Set out the ground rules in the early stages so that you are both aware of what each other consider acceptable and unacceptable to ensure that you are not treading on each other’s toes.

Budget – Before you take the leap be sure to work out a budget that you are both willing to stick too. Divisions can occur if the expenses keep falling on one person.

Alone time – Moving in together gives you access to each other 24/7. But you do not want to be in each other’s faces all the time. To guarantee that you do not get on each other’s nerves, it is important that you take some time out for yourself. Do not expect to be constantly at each other’s side. You each have your own hobbies that should not be neglected because you are no longer living apart. Give each other the space to continue being you.

Get out of the house – Just because you have now got a place of your own, does not mean that you still can’t get out of the house together. Do not allow yourself to be stuck in a rut. Doing your own thing is essential, but you must also be willing to make the effort to spend time together outside of your new home.

Respect privacy – Respect that some things are private. You may be sharing a place, but this does not mean that you cannot still have the privacy you are entitled too.

House Work/cooking – Divide the house work and the cooking between the two of you. Do not expect your partner to do all the work. It should be a combined effort.

Share the decorating – Re-decorate your house together to express the visions of who both of you are. Have fun with it and let your new house express who you are individually as well as put across both of you as a couple.

Communicate – If you are not happy with something occurring in your new place, be sure to talk about it. Remember that nobody is perfect, nor are any two people the same. You have to be willing to compromise to keep a happy environment alive. Expect differences and disagreements to occur as a result.

Keep it interesting - Do not stop making effort in your relationship.  You can find affordable lingerie and accessories here for your partner to appreciate.

Do not be afraid to open yourself up to a new adventure.  Moving in together can be a scary thought, but if you respect each others needs as an individual, it can also be a fulfilling experience for you both.

"What's Wrong?" "Nothing"

If you are a women looking at the title of this blog, I can pretty much guarantee that you are staring on with a cheeky grin on your face. Because the truth of the matter is, we have all responded with the answer “nothing” to the frequently asked question, “What’s wrong?” Even though the truth is there is something we are dying to get off our chest. If only fear and the pounding of our hearts wasn’t swallowing our words.

Although we undoubtedly grin guiltily at this accusation, it is not something that we should be proud of. Sometimes in life; specifically in a romantic relationship, we find it hard to express our negative feelings, for fear of hurting or losing the person we love. When your partner does something to upset you, you don't want to confront them about it as you would much rather avoid a disagreement.

If you bottle up your feelings and not let your partner know how you feel all the whilst ignoring your upsets and wishing them away, then you both in turn will suffer a great deal more then if you were to just discuss the things that are bothering you. If you play the "nothing's wrong" card, you are not only hurting yourself, but the person you are being dishonest with as well. Although you may have succeeded in that momentary bliss, you will end up having one too many grudges packed away in the back of your mind and it will be your partner who will suffer the consequences of issues that they are quite possibly unaware of.

Although it appears you are avoiding an awkward conversation, it only gets worse the longer you avoid the things that are making you unhappy. When you are unhappy this leads to the unhappiness of your partner as well. While the problem is manifesting, your partner can see that you are hurting and the fact that you deny this can be excruciatingly frustrating for them. Not only do they know that something is wrong, but they are also offended that you do not trust them enough share it with them. There are ways to go about this without offending your partner and if you exercise the truth from the beginning of your relationship, then you will both know what to expect when it comes to matters of the heart.

So next time you find yourself hurting over something, big or small, talk to your partner. More often then not, they will see your point and if they don't perhaps they can provide a better understanding of why they have done what they have. Although the men in our lives claim to be mind readers - the fact the matter is, they're not. Release your fears and open up to your partner so they never have to ask you, "What's wrong?" again. The more open and honest you are with each other, the stronger and happier your relationship will be. Always remember that you are entitled to say whatever you want, when it comes to how you feel.