Tips to help you move on after a break-up

Breaking up with someone, or having being left by someone can bring on so many different emotions.  Not all of them are engaging.  There are a few things to bear in mind throughout these complicated times that will make it easier to accept realities and have you heading in the right direction towards something brand new.  If a relationship doesn’t work out for you, then there is typically a reason for this.  Be honest with yourself and allow yourself to discover what these reasons are.  Do not throw in the towel surrendering to an illusive idea that you were meant to end up alone.  Things may get worse before they get better, but they will work out in the end.

Time out - Take some time to yourself to reflect on your current circumstances.  Whether you were the person to end the relationship or not, it is a good idea to take the time to mirror what has happened.  Let out any residual feelings of anger, sadness or resentment.  Take some time for yourself and do not be afraid to cry and/or feel sorry for yourself.  Do not force yourself to be over an ended relationship whether it was by you own choosing or not.  Cutting the cord does not mean that it is any less painful or difficult to accept the reasons of your decision.  Take the time to spotlight what went wrong and what it is that you seek in any future relationships. 

Take it a day at a time - The longer you are with someone, the more intense your feelings for each other become.  You become a part of each other and finding yourself separate from them can be quiet difficult to re-adapt too.  It can leave you feeling like your world no longer makes sense.  This can take time to feel normal again and re-discover who you are without that person by your side.  Do not put unrealistic expectations and time limits on your healing.  There is no rush.  Take each day as it comes and with time, each day will become that little bit easier than the one before it.

No regrets - Regretting events of the past is pointless.  What’s done is done and you have to open your eyes to the possibilities of your future.  It will not bring any benefit to your life to stew on regrets and will only leave you viewing things negatively, keeping you in that place of unhappiness.  Keep positive thoughts and leave bitterness behind and make the most of all those things in your life that you cherish.

Don’t fear moving on - Just because a relationship did not work out does not mean that you have failed.  Do not be afraid to go down that road again.  New relationships can be scary and some people put up walls to protect themselves, but if you don’t let the bricks fall down and allow someone in to really get to know you, then you will never experience the excitement that comes along with meeting someone new. Not everyone you meet thinks like the exes of your past, which means it doesn't necessary imply your past experiences will repeat themselves.

Talk it out - In a break-up, particularly a regretful or unwanted one, emotional support is an important part of moving forward.  After the initial time out from it all, talk it out with your friends and family. Keep busy and avoid being in situations that give you too much time to think about what has happened.  This will only make you relive the occurrence over and over again.  Instead surround yourself with people who will refuse to let you see anything other than the reasons it did not work.

Trust you made the right decision (if you opted out) - If you have made the decision to walk away from your partner there is every chance that you have come to that conclusion for a reason.  Whether it was a rash decision or one that you had been thinking about for a while. Perhaps you were feeling like you deserve better, were over the lies, feel out of love with that person, distance was too much to bear, or just merely that you and your partner wanted different things in life and you didn't want to give up your dreams and sacrifice what you wanted for the sake of someone else.  Break-ups happen for many different reasons and at the end of the day, the cause is rarely unfounded. Do not let your ex make you feel guilty or question what you want.  Everybody deserves to live life the way they choose, not the way someone else wants them too.  It is your life and your heart and if you are not happy with who you are with, then what is the point?

It is not the end of the world (if your partner opted out) - There is one reassuring way to look at a relationship that has ended without your control or approval.  You have to ask yourself, “Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me?”  Everybody deserves to be with someone who couldn't imagine life without them by their side.  Do not grovel or over grieve for someone who does not feel this way about you. And perhaps most importantly, do not contact your ex.  This will only prevent you from taking the necessary steps to move on to the next chapter of your love life.  You may not see it yet, but something new and electrifying is on the next page waiting for you when you’re good and ready.

6 Signs your relationship is over

Do you find yourself in a relationship where you need to think of the good memories of the past in order to justify your relationship in the present? Or are you clinging on because of the uncertainty of what will happen next if you walk away? Maybe you’re afraid that you will end up alone as a consequence of your actions?

For all of us, the choice to leave someone is extremely difficult. Some of us are so hurt by the truths of our current situations that we begin living in a false reality just to make the relationship bearable to continue. This is anything but healthy and will not fix what is broken or lost. Ultimately breaking up is a part of growing up and helps us discover what it is that we want in a mature lifetime commitment. Having several different relationships is how we determine when we have found the right person. Sadly not everyone we date is going to be compatible with us long term. Here are a few signs that could indicate your relationship is not on the right track. Recognizing the signs could make your decision that little bit easier to bear.

1. The spark has burnt out – It is not a good sign when the butterflies disappear and you no longer feel the same way about each other. The spark is what differentiates you from merely being friends, as opposed to lovers. It holds the attraction you have for one another and once that attraction is gone there is no longer anything there that separates you from friends’ status. If your partner makes excuses not to be physical with you, or is only physical for his/her own needs and not the least bit concerned about what you want or need then the spark may have been lost. If a spark cannot be rekindled, then there is almost certainly a reason it is not meant to.
2. You start expecting each other to change – The point of a relationship is to enjoy the other person for who they are. If you find yourself wanting to change them, or alternatively if you find that your partner is trying to change you then odds are you really shouldn’t be together. We all have quirks that annoy others, but if they bother your partner so much that they feel the need to change you, then they do not love you as much as they should. This is often a realisation not long after the honeymoon period wears off. Remember that unconditional love is the only love worth fighting for.
3. When unhappiness overrides the pleasure – Undesirably sometimes a fading relationship can leave you feeling frustrated, upset and miserable more than feeling excited, contented and carefree. If there is more bad then good, then you are only dooming yourself to a life of unhappiness. Everybody has the right to unlimited supplies of the best life has to offer and if you are not experiencing this in your current relationship then you should perhaps find one where you can. Do not let your hope that this will change be the reason that you cling to what may never be there.
4. Emotional, physical and verbal pain – There is no explanation for abuse of any kind. When your partner crosses that line, there is undoubtedly something wrong in your relationship. If your partner has abused you in any way whether it be physical abuse, verbal abuse, or just emotional hurt, it is unmistakably time to walk away. There is no point being in a relationship that is a constant battle to you emotionally or physically.
5. Reoccurring issues – If you cannot spend time with your partner without either of you picking a fight or insulting one another then it is more than possible that neither of you have anything left to say to each other. If you have addressed the motive for your fighting and still continue to struggle about it then chances are it is just one of those things that cannot be compromised on. The reality is you deserve better then someone who is always making you feel like a failure and attacking you personally.
6. No time for each other – If your partner was once very attentive, putting you up on a pedestal and always making you number one on his/her list of priorities and has started making excuses for why they cannot spend time with you, it is most likely a sign that their heart is no longer in the relationship. If it appears that they have stopped making effort in your relationship, do yourself a favour and do the same. If you continue to make unreturned effort you will end up resenting the person for it and in the end you will burn out and stop caring yourself, being left wondering what it was you were fighting for in the first place. Save yourself some heartache. It takes two to make a relationship be successful and if only one party is doing all the hard yards, then it is not going to work. Both parties need to want to be together for a relationship to succeed and no matter how hard you try; you cannot make somebody want something that they don’t want. Besides, why would you want to waste your time with someone you have to convince to spend time with you?

If you are having doubts about your relationship then there are more than likely justified reasons for this. Do not waste their time or your own. Listen to your heart, be honest with yourself and do not stay in a relationship that is not right for you merely because of fear or avoidance of a difficult life altering decision. Seek advice but do not take others opinions on as your own, unless they are what you truly believe. Only you can know in your gut what the right decision is, and it is you who has to follow through with it.