The Curse of Unrequited Love

Unrequited love is among the most painful things that one can feel and unfortunately we have all felt the heartache that comes with it at least once in our lives.

To add to this, social media makes it so easy to look into things that are said. You find yourself asking, “What does he/she mean by that?” or “Does that mean he/she is thinking about me.” Or my favourite, “What he/she really means is.” The entirety of it can be exhausting. And because you are feeling something that they are not aware of, it can result in emotional draining. You get defensive over text messages that may very well just be an outcome of you misreading what is written. Or alternatively to this, even making excuses for someone mistreating you.

You distance yourself from the person to ease the hurt and hopefully take away your feelings for them, but instead you find yourself romanticizing them. Focusing on all the things that they would do if you were with them, or even magnifying what they have done in the past, much like you would do in a toxic relationship. You find yourself focusing on the things that they have done in the past or what you hope they would do, rather then what they actually do.

There is no easy way to escape this curse. There is always the option of telling the person your true feelings, which can possibly lead to your feelings being returned, but if this backfires you are left with nothing but rejection. Fear of rejection is ultimately what stops us from expressing our true feelings to the people we have them for. And our lack of belief in ourselves is what leads us to think that we are not remarkable enough for the person of our desires to notice us in any real way.  Some people just aren't ready to let go of the possibilities that can be shattered when those feelings are not returned.

There really are only 2 options:

1.   Tell the person. If they do not feel the same, you no longer have the hope and can take the first steps to moving on with your life and finding someone who can return your feelings.

2.    Keep prolonging the negative feelings that come with your secret until the object of your desire has unknowingly hurt you more then you can handle.

I say, do everything you can to convince yourself to tell your crush how you feel. At least then you know if there is a chance, as opposed to wasting your time hoping that there may be one and trying to find signs of interest or common feelings. Life is too short to play the “what if” game. Nobody likes playing games when it comes to their feelings, so why subject yourself to doing just that? Take the risk and believe that you are worthy of being loved back. If they do not see you for who you are then the only solution to this is finding someone who does. No need to change or downplay yourself just because someone is blind to your worth.

At the end of the day, there really are no answers to this one. Some situations can be stickier then others. Some people just don’t have the option to be able to tell the person of their passion how they feel. Whether it be because your crush is married, in a relationship, a parent of your friend, or even a really close family friend. These situations leave prolonged awkwardness. Not everyone has the opportunity to walk away if things do not go the way they hope. If you have any ideas on how to cope with unrequited love or any personal stories of your own experiences, please share in the comment box below. Your experience may help someone else.

Little Ideas for men on Valentine’s Day

These tips may seem small, but it’s the small things that show you have put thought into making Valentine’s Day as special as it can possibly be.  Putting effort into making this day one for her to remember (even if deep down you think it is a commercialised day with no meaning), will show her that you care and have no problems with showing it.

It’s all in the words – Nothing means more to a woman then knowing how much they mean to you.  Make or even purchase a Valentine’s Day card and express how you feel with the most powerful thing there is, WORDS :)

Petal Creativity – There are many uses for rose petals and each is just as romantic as the last.  Use rose petals to sprinkle over your bed or lead a path to a table set up for a romantic dinner.  Another idea is to sprinkle them in a bubble bath for two.

Light it up – Candles of any sort are in themselves very romantic. The more the merrier, to make a serious impression.  This can be done cheaply by getting a bulk pack of tea light candles.  Be careful to place them in positions that will avoid wax dripping on inappropriate places.  You want a spectacular view, but you don’t want to require a fire extinguisher or spoil the mood by wax burns.

Raise your glass to love – Make her a cocktail that she will never forget the taste of.  Do not forget that presentation is the key.  Use strawberries on the side of the cocktail glass or buy miniature umbrellas.  Here are a few cocktail ideas especially for Valentine’s Day at http://www.bettyconfidential.com/ar/ld/a/9-tasty-valentines-day-cocktails.html

Hands on – invest in a warming massage oil and show your appreciation for her body, paying close attention.  It is a guaranteed way for returned pleasure and will open up the pleasure doors for both of you as a couple.

Corny Love – Take her to the type of movie you usually cringe over and do it with a smile on your face.  Refrain from laughing and just let her enjoy the romance of the pleasures that only comes from the equivalent of a Nicholas Sparks movie/novel.

Romantic Ideas for Men From Real Women

Psst… Excuse me guys! I’ll let you in on a little secret…. Woman are fully aware that the legend of Don Juan is nothing more than a tale of a fictional libertine that could make every woman fall under his spell and weak at the knees. We know that grand romantic gestures have their place on the big screen in the latest flick starring Johnny Depp and Rachel McAdams, or the latest Nicholas Sparks book, but ultimately that they portray an unrealistic expectation for love of our time in the real world. When it comes down to what makes a women gush, it’s the small gestures that really count.

To give all the clueless men out there an idea of what real woman consider romantic here is a list of romantic hints suggested by women of the real world. Don’t be shy gentlemen; show your woman you have a little romanticism within you after all by putting some of these ideas to use.

• “A man who looks after me when I am drunk.” – Alisha 
• “When a man does the cooking and cleaning without being asked.” – Suzie 
• “A simple text message or poem to show that they are thinking about you.” – Margaret 
• “Spontaneously reliving inside jokes that only the two of you are privy too.” – Tiffany 
• “When I think romantic I think surprises.” – Melissa 
• “A bunch of flowers sent to me at work… for no reason at all.” – Melanie 
• “Pulling out chairs and opening doors, a sure sign for me that chivalry isn't dead.” – Annie 
• "I like when I come home from work and he has the whole house cleaned, bed made nicely, dinner prepared, then he cooks while I get to relax, then we lay and snuggle with a movie." - Nikki 
• "When my partner goes to the shop without me and I tell him to get me a surprise and he brings me home a book." - Leigh 
• "When a man knows exactly how to put a smile on your face without having to ask him" - G 
• "A man who cooks and cleans for you." - Patricia 
• "When your partner pays attention to everything you say and remembers the little details." - Minjo 
• "A man that is not afraid to tell you he loves you." - Stacey 
• "Someone who compliments you on your efforts in your appearance." - Eva 
• "Someone that introduces you as the best thing that's ever happened to them." - Laura 
• "Someone who stops on the way home to pick up your favourite dessert." - Kate 
• "Getting a foot massage while relaxing on the couch." - Joan 
• "A man that randomly tucks your hair behind your ear or kisses you on the forehead or cheek." - Rachel 
• "A man who tells you everyday how beautiful you are." Justine 
• "A man who rings you every night when he is away from you, just so he can hear your voice and tell you how much you mean to him and how much he loves you." - Ingrid

At the end of the day think small gestures that are personal. This will be easier the more you know the person you are trying to be romantic for. Any woman will appreciate gestures (big or small) that suggest to her that she is important enough to you, for you to have made the effort.

So what-do-ya know guys, us women are actually really easy to please.  Remember to think romantic thoughts... The woman in your life will make it worth while! :) And to the ladies that read this blog, please feel free to put your suggestions in the comment box below.

I will leave you with the famous quote from the 1994 film Don Juan DeMarco: 

"There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love." 

Love vs. Lust

Love and lust has been known to be confused with each other, particularly if it is something that you have never experienced before. Although sex is a fulfilling and important part of a relationship, it should never be the reason you spend time together. If this is the case you might want to reassess your intentions with the following information. It is love, not lust that is the foundation of a relationship.

lust

  [luhst] noun
1. intense sexual desire or appetite.
2. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite;lecherousness.
3. a passionate or overmastering desire or craving (usuallyfollowed by for): a lust for power.
4. ardent enthusiasm; zest; relish: an enviable lust for life.
5. Obsolete .
a. pleasure or delight.
b. desire; inclination; wish.

love
   [luhv] noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, asfor a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person;sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection,or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

SIGNS OF LUST

• You're over observant with a person's appearance. 
• You're only interested in having sex but not in having any kind of discussions. 
• You prefer to avoid any personal discussions or do not offer any personal details about yourself. 
• Once the sex is over, you do not feel the need to stick around. 
• You are intimate with each other sexually, but that is where it ends. 

SIGNS OF LOVE

• You want to spend quality time together other than for the purpose of sexual acts. 
• You enjoy talking about yourself and enjoy hearing about them. 
• You want to make that person happy. 
• He or she encourages you to be the best person you can possibly be. 
• You look forward to discovering that person’s world and get to know the people in their lives.

Building Trust in a Relationship

Trust or emotional safety in a relationship can often be a very difficult emotion to master, particularly for those who have been hurt and/or betrayed in previous relationships.  Time does not always heal wounds of our past.  Regardless, the fact of the matter is that trust is the basis of any relationship.  If you cannot trust someone you cannot have a healthy relationship with them, as these trust issues will end up destroying the relationship. It may not happen right away, though slowly but surely it will be what breaks you apart.  In order to be in a happy relationship you have to be willing to work on a mutual trust.  Here are a few pointers in building trust in your relationship for those of you who find that trust does not come naturally to you.

Be Honest – Number one rule in building trust in a relationship is merely to continuously be honest with your partner.  If your partner senses that you are being deceitful this will make it harder for them to trust you.  We do not always like what we hear but it will be a comfort to know that honesty is applied in every instance.  There is no room for secrets or lies in a healthy relationship.

Communication – Express your needs and feelings on situations with your partner.  If jealousy occurs let your partner know how it makes you feel.  They are then aware of your feelings and will take measures to let you know that there is nothing to worry about.  Give your partner a chance to set you straight and always be clear and completely honest about how you are feeling and listen carefully to their concerns in return.

Don’t hold your partner accountable for others actions – As much as you wish you could control every situation, it is unrealistic to believe this is possible.  Do not hold your partner accountable for others actions in any situation no matter how hurtful.  Your partner cannot change anyone’s feelings or events anymore then you yourself can.

Be reliable – In order for someone to surrender to trust they need to know that their partner is reliable.  If you say you are going to be somewhere, be there.  If you say you are going to do something for your partner, do it.  If you can rely on someone it makes it easier to trust them.

Don’t go to bed angry – Never let issues go unresolved.  If trust issues or jealousy occurs between you and your partner do not try and avoid the issues.  Although the conversation may not be desired it is mandatory to address them before they get even larger.  Resentment stems from feeling unheard or failing to deal with a problem.

Forget the past – Do not compare new relationships to the old ones.  Just because your previous partner may have hurt you, does not mean that your new one is even remotely capable of making the same mistakes.  Do not lay that burden on them; it is not their burden to bear. 

Remember nobody is perfect - Acknowledge that nobody is perfect and that happenings can often be different to how they appear.  Discover and compliment your partner’s qualities.  Belief in each other will facilitate trust building in any relationship.

Love is all about losing yourself in your feelings.  Take the leap and have faith that everything will work out the way it is meant too.  Building trust is not always easy and requires on-going work to keep it afloat, but it is important to remember there is no point in worrying about something that may never come to pass.  Live in the present and appreciate the happier moments of life. 

We would love your thoughts on this article. Please leave your comments below.

Advantages to Online Dating

Online dating has been known to come with its skepticism.  Many look at this type of dating with cynical eyes and disbelief that anything real can come of it.  I myself once reeked of this judgment when it came to the subject but after giving into my sisters convincing arguments, I am now in a happy relationship with someone that I met online.  Just like any type of engagement dating sites can come with their disadvantages.  There are a lot of people who use these sites that are not looking for devoted relationships and are just looking into it for a bit of uncommitted fun.  But just because you are approached by these kinds of people does not mean you are obligated to acknowledge their advances.  You get to choose who you would like to get to know.  Here are a few advantages of the new age way to meet your next partner.

• Convenience - All that is required to begin your online dating adventures is a computer, the internet and a dating site membership, which you can acquire for free on certain sites. There are members on at all times of the day ready to meet someone special.  You can get to know someone and decide if you are compatible with each other before suggesting or accepting to go out on a date.
• No Obligations - Just because someone is interested in you and making advances to get to know you, does not mean that you have to reciprocate.  Interested parties can ask, but it ultimately comes down to your decisions of who you would like to spend your time getting to know. 
• Privacy is respected -  Although a lot of these sites ask you several questions to discover your goals that they reveal to members of the same status, they do not however reveal personal details about yourself such as your name and address.  When you sign up you use a username and when you are in communications with other members it is up to you what you share about yourself.
• Finding Friends - You are not going to romantically connect with everybody you meet on dating sites but it is possible that you will make new lasting friendships whilst trying to find that connection.
• Variety - Using this medium to find someone special is more common then you think.  Because it has become such a popular way to meet people you will find a variety of people that you might not have met in your normal singles hang-outs.

Here are a few online dating sites circulating the internet today:

Plenty of Fish

RSVP

eHarmony 

Oasis Active

Slinky

Aussie Matchmaker

So, if you're finding it difficult meeting someone offline, let your scepticism go and give online dating a try.  There are millions of likeminded people using online dating sites to meet someone special. You never know, one of them might be exactly who you are looking for!  

If you have an online dating story, please share it with us in a comment below.  We would love to hear your search of true love was achieved behind a computer screen and letters of your keyboard.

Beneficial Relationship Tips

A lot of young girls grow up with this romanticized image of our prince charming coming to our rescue, sweeping us off our feet and loving each other so intensely that we lived happily ever after.....

It's a shame we can't stay little girls forever. In reality, relationships need to be nurtured in order to succeed. True love requires work to survive. Here are a few tips to remember to keep your realistic happily ever after, which simply put is a relationship that can last and a love that can stand the distance.

Quality Time – No matter how busy your individual lives are, put time aside to spend quality time with your partner. It is impossible for a relationship to grow and survive if you do not take the time to nurture it.

Appreciation – Don’t keep your appreciation of your partner to yourself. Be sure that they know that they are appreciated. This is often lost over time in a long term relationship. Never let your partner feel like they are unappreciated or taken for granted.

Laughter – Enjoy the company of each other and don’t be afraid to show it. Refrain from taking everything so seriously. Allow yourself to be free to be silly with your partner and appreciate the lighthearted things in life.

Forgiveness – No matter how much you may have been hurt by a problem, once an issue is resolved, let it go and move on. In a successful relationship one must learn to forgive and forget.

Money isn’t everything – Money is often a common cause for a quarrel in relationships. Always remember that there are more important things then money. Discuss the topic rationally, but never let it be a cause for hostility.

Honesty – if something is bothering you in your relationship, be honest about it. There is nothing more poisoning to a relationship them resentment. It constantly eats at you and even though you think it is in the back of your mind, it will end up causing unnecessary problems in the relationship. If you have a problem, solve it. If you ignore a problem it won’t go away and will end up becoming a great deal worse as a result.

Alone Time – It is just as important to have time away from each other to do your own thing, as it is to spend quality time with each other. If you don’t have time to enjoy your own personal hobbies, you will find that you and your partner will start missing out on personal pleasures or be forced to do things that you do not enjoy in order to spend time together. Do not allow yourself to become dependent on your partner. And never forget who you are.

Don’t obsess over the uncontrollable – Never obsess over something that is beyond either of your control. If you cannot change a situation or problem, spend your energy on something positive in your relationship instead of trying to change something that cannot be changed.

Accept Change – Do not expect that your partner is never going to change over the course of your relationship. When change happens accept it. If it changes for the worst and you are unable to accept it, then do not expect your partner to adjust for you. More often than not this is a losing battle. When it comes down to it, would you want to stay with someone who waits for you to change to their preferred image of whom they expect you to be? If you wouldn't do it yourself then you cannot expect someone else to.

Communication – Communicating with your partner is a vital point in a relationship. Find the time to share with each other what is happening in your life. Never let your relationship get to that point where your partner is not the first person you want to share your successes with.

Compromise – A relationship is a 50/50 commitment. You have to understand that no two people are exactly the same and therefore you are not always going to agree on everything in life. You have to be willing to give and take in order to make a relationship truly work.

Vent but don’t attack – We all have days that bring out the worst in us, but never take it out on your partner. There is no excuse for abuse of any kind. So vent to your partner and let them put you in a better mood. But don’t aim your anger at the wrong person.

Support - There is nobody whose support is more accepted and believed then that of your partner. Support each other in your dreams and aspirations. Knowing that your partner believes in you and your desires is just as important then them coming true.

Keep it interesting – Make efforts to keep it interesting in passionate areas of your relationship. Do not allow the passion to evaporate. If your bedroom action needs some spicing up visit www.confidenceiskeylingerie.com.au to revive the excitement!

Start seeing your partner for who he truly is. If you look carefully you'll most likely see, your fairy tale prince charming has already found you! And the real fairy tale is the here and now. He may not be perfect, but his love for you is.

Valentine’s Day on a Budget

Valentine’s Day falls soon after the greatly expensive Christmas period and due to this reason, a lot of couples choose not to celebrate this day of love. Here are a few ideas to make your next Valentine's Day one to remember.

Second to waking up next to your partner on Valentine’s Day there is breakfast in bed. If you don’t have the luxury of having the day off to celebrate, straightforward pancakes are inexpensive and quick to whip up. Heart shaped silicone rings can be inexpensively brought and stashed for further use for Anniversaries and future Valentine’s Days, not to mention any time you just want to spoil the one you love.

Instead of going out to an expensive and almost certainly crowded restaurant, surprise your partner with his/her favourite meal. This will allow you both to feel more comfortable and if truth be told, focus solely on one another.

Take a stroll on the beach or pier and take along desert and a blanket with you. This could be something you handmade yourself. Find a secluded spot and enjoy your sweets while watching the water.

While your partner is relaxing in a bubble bath that you have run, spread rose petals on the bed in the shape of a heart. This can be an expensive gesture, but you can make it affordable from buying artificial rose petals instead of tearing them from real roses.

Candles are also good to set the mood – just be sure to put them in a place that is impossible for the hot wax to drip down on places it shouldn’t. Unless it is something you have chosen to do. It can be quite a mood killer to unexpectedly have wax dripping on you.

Instead of going to the movies hire love themed DVD’s from the video shop, or choose a few of your partners’ favourites that you already have at home to save some money. You could also consider re-watching the movie you saw on your first date, could also be sentimental.

Inexpensive Gift Ideas

The acknowledgement of Valentine’s Day is more about commemorating your love then it is about buying or receiving expensive gifts. But if you like to spoil your partner here are a few ideas that will not break the budget.

Give your Valentine a Valentine’s Day Card. Not everyone is comfortable writing their feelings down therefore this is a guarantee that your partner will appreciate it all the more. Keep in mind that you don’t have to be a Romeo incarnate to achieve this with success. It can be easy to neglect the little things when you have been with someone for a long time so a card with a mere Happy Valentine’s Day message is worth a thousand words. It may be a cliché but remember there is nothing more powerful then saying “I LOVE YOU.” Try making your own card to give it that extra meaning and save some money. You could also try leaving romantic messages around the house or anywhere your Valentine will be that day on heart shaped post-it notes or cut outs.

Although tradition/media leads us to believe that a dozen red roses is the way to go for such an occasion, a single flower can be just as effective. A sure winner would be your Valentines favourite flower – not always typically a rose.

A box of chocolates – it is a rarity that anyone can resist the incredibly delicious taste of this creamy milky goodness. You can easily dress up the packaging with a ribbon around the house.

When it comes down to it, the only thing that matters on Valentine’s Day is enjoying the company of the person you love and showing them just how much you care. Because whether you are an overly sentimental person or you don’t have a romantic bone in your body, it is how you feel when you are with your Valentine that you are both going to remember.