5 habits to avoid in a relationship

1. Self- impairment – Sometimes there are so many awful things in our world that have us believing that when something goes right for us, just around the corner is the big bad ugly disasters that seem to find us no matter where we go.  You have to believe that your relationship is forever.  Bringing positive vibes to your relationship can only help it.  Leave the negativity behind and deal with the disasters when they come to you.  Do not spend your relationship expecting it to fail or be attacked by obstacles.

2. Jealousy – Your partner is always going to have friends or acquaintances of the opposite sex (or same sex depending on your personal attraction).  It is important that you do not let jealousy restrict your partner from his/her right to their own friends.  Just because your partner is polite to or acknowledges someone you may see as a threat, does not mean that there is actually anything to suspect.  Expecting little everyday occurrences to mean more then what they are is detrimental to your relationship.

3. Ignoring the outside world – When you are in a new relationship sometimes it is hard to see outside of it.  But it is important to remember those people who have great importance to you outside of that romantic relationship.  Friends and family are still of value. It is important for both parties in a relationship to have their own lives and contacts outside of what you both share. 

4. The social media trap – Relationships are a lot of hard work and often contain speed bumps along the way.  Whining about your problems to the whole world is no way to solve issues.  It is poison to a relationship when a disagreement or personal argument goes viral.  No solution will ever come from airing out those times that are less than perfect.

5. Loss of communication – Point #4 brings us to the equally important point #5.  One way of avoiding those speed bumps is to communicate to each other.  If your partner is doing something that is hurting your feelings it is them that need to know, not your Facebook or twitter friends.  Your partner is the only person who can change what it is that is being done to upset you.  Don’t just talk to your partner about those light hearted topics.  Part of a healthy relationship is being able to talk about those things that really matter, even if they cause a little discomfort at the time of the discussion, they will do wonders for your relationship in the long run.  

Is it wise to stay friends after a break-up?

Whether a break-up is messy or not remaining friends after a failed relationship is hard.  Some may even deem the idea un-realistic.  It is easy to turn a friendship into love, but harder if not impossible to remain friends after a  relationship has come to an end.  Here are a few reasons that staying friends with an ex is nothing more than a bad idea.

Residual feelings – There are still residual feelings that prevent you from moving on as you should.  As long as you are interacting with your ex, you will hold on to these feelings and be preventing yourself from letting go and starting fresh.  A broken relationship is much like grieving; you have to let yourself go through the process or you will never come to terms with the loss. 

“It’s just sex” – Break up sex is practically unavoidable when two people remain friends after a relationship.  If you are both of a active healthy sexual appetite it will be hard for you to avoid your sexual urges.  And although the dumpee tells themselves that it’s just body parts, on a microscopic level, they are keeping the bond alive even if they do not want to admit it.  Being so close to your ex keeps the relationship alive.

You will not find mr/mrs right – In the end, all you are doing is opening yourself up to more pain and prolonging the hurt that comes with an ended relationship. There is a reason that you are no longer together.  Acceptance is the only way to put it in the past and having that constant reminder in your life of a failed love is damaging.  You will need that distance to find the right person for you.

Wishful thinking – If you were the dumpee you will always hold hope that your ex will change their mind about how they feel about your relationship.  The dumper is the one who initiates the “let’s be friends” idea, but will always keep the dumpee in the past.  Don’t waste time on someone who failed to see your potential and worth.   

I cannot tell you what is best for you or what you need during such a painful time.  And I am the first to admit how hard this advice is to follow.  But deep down I know it is best for me.  It just takes time to be open to letting go.  I can however tell you that I have wasted many years trying to prove to myself that keeping an ex in my life was possible.  Experience has proved me wrong.  Even if you can find that medium, once either of you find someone else the friendship becomes void.   So much time and effort wasted for something that can’t possibly last.

I will leave you with the words of Carrie Bradshaw: “The most important break-up rule.  No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends.”  Take as much time as you need to say goodbye to your past and greet your future with an enthusiastic hello.

Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

This article is for those of you out there who have been cheated on and are left wondering if you can forgive and forget such a deception.  The feeling you are left with after someone cheats on you, is quite likely one of the lowest feelings that you can possibly feel.  You are left feeling worthless, betrayed and devastated.  You have never felt so low in your whole life and the only thing that you should be asking yourself is, if he/she loves me, would they do something to put me in such a dark unshakeable place?  The answer is NO.  You obviously love this person more than they do you.  Simply put, you deserve better.

It is easier to let go of someone after such a betrayal, then to find it in yourself to forgive them for something so horrible.  Many would argue that sex is just body parts, particularly men, but the truth of the matter is if you really care deeply about someone and are serious about your relationship with them than you wouldn't have it in yourself to cheat on them.  How committed can someone be to deceive the person they supposedly love?  The situation in which the betrayal happens is irrelevant.  If you find yourself unable to stop a temptation from manifesting into reality, then you are not fully committed to the relationship that you are already in.

After a betrayal, the trust you once had is completely shattered.  Trust is something that takes time to begin and takes longer to re-discover then to initiate.  If you cannot trust someone you are in a relationship with, then you will find yourself questioning where your partner is, who he/she is with and what he/she is doing.  This is no way to live.  You will always have that doubt in the back of your mind that your partner is playing up on you.

Do I believe that once a cheater, always a cheater? Well in my opinion, if the foundations in a relationship are not solid enough to prevent an initial occurrence, then I think the connection between two people is not what it is meant to be in a committed relationship.  Cheating is a breaker, in which once broken, cannot be repaired.  Regret of a betrayal is not enough to repair or excuse the damage that has been done.  If you feel that you can forgive your partner for something so hurtful, then you must also be capable of the forgetting as well, or it will eventually tear you apart.

Ultimately it is a personal decision to forgive and forget, however love is an overwhelming emotion that takes you over completely and everyone deserves a love that lives up to that.  You will do well to remember this next time you find yourself wondering if your cheating partner deserves a second chance.  With the right person this kind of love is out there.  You owe it to yourself to guarantee that you don’t settle for anything less.  If you are not enough for someone then they don’t deserve any part of you.

Love vs. Lust

Love and lust has been known to be confused with each other, particularly if it is something that you have never experienced before. Although sex is a fulfilling and important part of a relationship, it should never be the reason you spend time together. If this is the case you might want to reassess your intentions with the following information. It is love, not lust that is the foundation of a relationship.

lust

  [luhst] noun
1. intense sexual desire or appetite.
2. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite;lecherousness.
3. a passionate or overmastering desire or craving (usuallyfollowed by for): a lust for power.
4. ardent enthusiasm; zest; relish: an enviable lust for life.
5. Obsolete .
a. pleasure or delight.
b. desire; inclination; wish.

love
   [luhv] noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, asfor a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person;sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection,or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

SIGNS OF LUST

• You're over observant with a person's appearance. 
• You're only interested in having sex but not in having any kind of discussions. 
• You prefer to avoid any personal discussions or do not offer any personal details about yourself. 
• Once the sex is over, you do not feel the need to stick around. 
• You are intimate with each other sexually, but that is where it ends. 

SIGNS OF LOVE

• You want to spend quality time together other than for the purpose of sexual acts. 
• You enjoy talking about yourself and enjoy hearing about them. 
• You want to make that person happy. 
• He or she encourages you to be the best person you can possibly be. 
• You look forward to discovering that person’s world and get to know the people in their lives.