6 Don’ts in new relationships

New relationships can be among the most exciting times of your life.  Embracing the excitement of getting to know someone and all the nervous tingles that come along with it. Unfortunately with the initial uncertainty involved during this time, they can also be a matter of delicacy and can end up faltering due to bad treatment.  Here are a few mistakes commonly made in the beginnings of a connection.  These don'ts will be useful to those who are trying to create something meaningful and long lasting.

Don’t allow sex to take #1 Priority – Although physical attraction in the initial stages of a new relationship is inevitable, many make the mistake of prioritising the sex above spending time getting to know the person they are beginning the relationship with.  This leads to making your partner feel like they are only a source of fulfilling your sexual needs. 

Don’t act cold - Not offering any affection at all will also lead your partner to think that there is no passion between the two of you.  It is important to find a medium that will leave your partner feeling secure within your relationship.  One too many “I’m not in the mood”s or other common excuses will end up making him/her suspicious and in the end, lose interest in trying all together.

Don’t bring in the family to soon – Introducing your partner to your family to early can not only be misconstrued by your partner, but can also bring unnecessary discomfort to both your partner and family if things do not work out.  In the early stages of a relationship there is no guarantee that the spark will continue beyond the first 3 – 6 Months.  Allowing your partner to become attached to your family and then coming to the realisation that you do not want to continue with the relationship is a situation that can be avoided if you had waited long enough to discover what you meant to each other before bringing in the family.

Don’t be fake – Do not act in a way as such that you think she/he wants you to in order to get into her heart.  It is important that you do not hide aspects of yourself because in the end, the secret will be out and your partner will either love you in spite of your bad habits or they won’t.  Either way, it is better to find this out early on.  You want your partner to love you for who you are, not for who you think they want you to be and if they don’t they are obviously not the right person for you.

Don’t dwell – Do not dwell on those little things that do not work out according to plan.  He/she’s not spending enough time with you? Do not spend excessive time dwelling on little issues, particularly if your partner is unaware of the heartache caused.  This will only end up making you resent your partner and sometimes there is no going back once you have reached that point.

Don’t bottle things up – 100% honesty is the only way to go in to a relationship and the most important policy to follow during it.  There is no point in tip toeing around resulting in unhappiness and not getting what you want.  The only way to have your needs met is to have your partner aware of what they are.  And if they are difficult to meet, then that’s when the doors to compromise are open.  Either way 100% honesty in your communication with one another is a necessity to a healthy and happy relationship.  Our partners may be able to see that we are upset, but they cannot read our minds.  It is up to us to let them know what is causing us upset or worry.

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Starting a new relationship after a broken heart

Make sure you are ready – Beginning a new relationship is no way to cure a broken heart. Make sure that you are ready to move on and are not doing it for the wrong reasons. Give yourself some time to feel the heartache. Let your past settle. When you are happy within yourself and are not constantly haunted by positive memories of your relationship with your ex, then you will be ready to move on to the next romantic chapter in your life.

Avoid romanticism – It is unrealistic to think that a partner can meet all your wants and desires. It is up to you to make yourself happy and this should be worked on before going into a new relationship with neediness stamped across your forehead.

Have real expectations – You now have a better idea of what you want in a partner. But make sure that your expectations of future suitors are realistic. You do not want to be hurt again so it is only natural that you are more cautious then in your previous relationship, but it is important to remember that your new partner is only human as are you.

There are plenty of fish in the sea – As lovely as the idea of soul mates is, the realism is that you can be compatible with several different people throughout your lifetime. There are a lot of people out there and this is an assurance that you never have to settle. Find someone who makes you happy and shares your life aspirations. Someone who makes you feel like you’re on top of the world and accepts your shortcomings. That is a person who is worth waking up to.

Do not hold your ex’s mistakes against future partners – You are entitled to the fear that comes with feeling like you have had your heart ripped out of your chest. But it is important that you understand not everyone in your life is going to hurt you. Do not make the mistake of thinking that your exes faults are that of every person you meet and/or spend time with. Leave your baggage in the past.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket – It is okay to be cautious in the beginning. There is no race or time frames. Get to know someone before you give them everything. The more you give before the relationship status is established the more vulnerable you will be to getting hurt.

Trust your intuition – Listen to your intuition. Do not force yourself to feel something that is not there. Your gut instincts are more often than not a expression of your true thoughts.

Try new avenues – You had no luck with your previous partner meeting them the way you did, why not try different avenues of meeting new people. Even something you have never thought about can be successful. Perhaps invest your time in a new hobby that allows you to mingle with others who have the same passion for what you enjoy doing? There is more than one way to meet new people. You could benefit from doing some research on places to meet new people.