So, your partner is depressed…

Depression has a nasty way of affecting not only the person experiencing it, but the people that they hold dear as well.  Here are a few things to keep in mind as a partner of someone going through such a difficult time.  The time frame of this disease is different for everyone and at the end of the day support is all you can offer.  Find your own way of letting them know that you are there for them.  Consistency is admirable and significant in times such as this.

Moodiness – Depression can leave people moody, sad and irritable. Uncontrollable outbursts can happen at any moment. Unfortunately it’s all in the territory and is not to be taken personally.  Hopelessness can be a very frustrating emotion and can lead to unpredictable moods.  It is important to remember that a mood of a person does not define them, as depression does not define them.  They are still the person you fell in love with and something such as depression which is beyond control should not change this.

Lack of Sexual Interest – In times of serious depression anything more than sleeping can be a huge effort, so it is no surprise that sexual drive can be lost along with it.  Some use sex as an escape for the pain.  Others cannot get out of their heads long enough to enjoy something that once was so intimate.  Keep in mind that the ability to reach orgasm is also a common side effect of depression whether one has chosen medication or not.

Shut Down and Pulling Away – Day to day tasks are in themselves a challenge for your partner right now.  If you feel like they are shutting you out or pulling away from you, it is almost certainly not because they no longer love you or that you are the cause of their unhappiness.  It is more likely the result of them not having the energy to pretend they are feeling different then how they actually feel.  Do not automatically assume that you are the cause or that your efforts are not significant enough to take away the pain.  It’s higher than your abilities/influence at the moment.  

   

Depressing Atmosphere  – Depression can be a draining experience and this often rubs off on the people close to the depressed.  Take some time out for yourself.  Constantly witnessing your partners lows can often lead to feeling the effect yourself.  So be sure to take some time away from that atmosphere and do something you deem fun and fulfilling.

It is easy to give in to the belief that things will never turn around or change to the happiness that once was were discontentment now resides.  If you stay as positive as you can and endure the negatives, you will see that there is always light at the end of the tunnel; even though you are unaware of how fast you are going and therefore unable to determine how long it will take to get there.  A better day is just beyond the horizon of a day to come.

Common causes of depression

We have all experienced those dark periods in our lives where drinking the day away, sleeping as much as humanly possible, or doing something stupid or full of risk proves far more appealing then sitting in a dark room being trapped with our own thoughts, unable to shake or escape the pain.  There are many reasons that can lead to this dark place, but here are a few common reasons that can bring people down.

Opinions of others - Perhaps the most common cause of depression is the opinion of others.  At the end of the day, you do not need to be around people who make you feel bad about yourself.  Their opinion should be void because they obviously do not know you as well as the people who are in your life for no other reason then that they want to be.  These are the people worth listening too.  These are the people who know you, so it is their opinion that really counts.  Don't waste your time dwelling on the opinions of people who do not deserve to be of any significance in your life.

Opinions of ourselves - Often it is our own strict opinions of ourselves and where we think we should be in that particular point in our lives that get us feeling worthless and/or disappointed in ourselves.  It is important for our emotional stability to focus on all the things that we have accomplished in our lives and to remember all the amazing people in our lives that choose to be in it because they care about us and enjoy being around the person we are, even if all we can see are our own flaws.

Focusing on the negatives -  It is only human to see the negatives in our lives over the positives.  Some situations leave us in a need to be by ourselves which leads us to think too much, causing us to relive negative moments or look too deep into situations that manifest into a lot of "what ifs" and "maybes" that 9/10 times have no basis in reality.  Although it is hard to be around people when you are feeling depressed, it is more harmful to allow yourself the alone time to dwell on things that be, or more often then not, things that we convince ourselves that are.

Unhealthy workplace - Some may think that this is a silly reason to get down, but if you are unhappy in the workplace where you spend most of your time, it is no surprise that it is bringing you down in other areas of your life.  It is easier said then done to leave your work at work.  Yes it is vital to a living that we work, but it is also important for your happiness to fight like hell to work in a place that you can be yourself and feel appreciated.  In order to be happy in other areas of your life, you must also be able to enjoy the environment in which you spend most of your time.

Struggling with everyday necessities - It can often feel like all that hard work you do is for nothing.  Once pay day comes and bills chip at your hard earned cash, you often have nothing left to show for all the effort you have put in during the week.  Everyday necessities are expensive and you should not be hard on yourself if you find  yourself struggling to keep your head above water.  As living expenses rise and wages comfortably stay at minimum, it is no wonder that struggles are apart of your daily life.  You can only work so hard, do not place unrealistic expectations on yourself because of the realities of the times we are in.

We would all do well to remember that at some point in our lives, everyone has felt that they are not good enough or trying hard enough.  Do not be ashamed of these thoughts.  If you feel you need help, do not be afraid to ask for it.  There is nothing worse then bottling up depressing feelings.  Help is always there if you are strong enough to admit you need it and are not afraid to seek it.  Your family and friends will be supportive and try their best to help you in your time of need.  Sometimes this does not always do the trick, but remember that your doctor is always there to help you without judgement.  There is nothing shameful about admitting that you need some help.

For more useful information on depression please visit beyond blue.

10 Sex Tips for Women

1. Practice Foreplay – Some couples find themselves skipping over all the foreplay and going straight to the deed.  This means less excitement and less satisfaction.

2. Break Routine – Do not make the mistake of getting stuck in a routine.  The more spontaneous sex is, the more satisfying it is.  It is beneficial to remember that there is more to sex then an orgasm. 

3. Visual Stimulation – Stimulate your partner visually with sexy lingerie.  It may not stay on very long, but you will feel and act sexy wearing it and he will have fun taking it off.  You can find a range of sexy and equally affordable lingerie here.

4. Communicate – Tell your partner what drives you crazy beneath the sheets.  If you feel embarrassed doing this, settle for expressing approval when he/she does something that you enjoy.

5. Tease each other – Try prolonging your orgasms.  Make it last longer.  When you finally allow yourself to give in to the sensation, the intensity will be mind blowing. 

6. Sexy Shower – Get naked for a different reason and take a shower together.  The act of washing your partner is incredibly sensual and can often lead to a passionate sexual encounter.

7. Share your toys – It is surprising how much of a turn on it can be for couples to let your partner use your sex toy collection on/with you.  You can find affordable toys here.

8. Oral Sex Starter – What man doesn’t enjoy the feel of him inside your mouth? This is a sure pleaser for the opening act.

9. Read Aloud – Reading erotic novels aloud can be a great way to put you in the mood.  You will probably find yourself and partner laughing at the corniness, but may result in the need for a change of undies for you and the pitching of a tent in his as well.

10. Kiss! – Never underestimate the power of the kiss.  

Songs that relate to people or moments in life

We all have songs that remind us of moments we wish we could live over and over again or in the worst case scenario, songs we wish we could erase from every radio stations playlist!  Here is a select few of the many songs that will forever be apart of who I am and make up the soundtrack to my life.

“When You Walked Into My Life” – Lila McCann

This song reminds me of my grandad.  When I was dealing with his passing this was the song that was on repeat on my iPod.  To this day I cannot listen to this song without seeing his face and shedding a tear.

"I've Never Been to Me" – Charlene

Besides being the opening song to one of the best films of all time “Priscilla Queen of the Desert,” this song also reminds me of my nana. I used to listen to it and relate it to her being to many places and having various experiences during her life before she died.

“I shot the sheriff” – Bob Marley

This song takes me back to the year 2003 on our groups schoolies trip to Tinaroo.  My best friend Kourt sung along to this like her life depended on it and ever since I cannot listen to it, hear about it, or be reminded of it in any form without thinking of her and that time in our lives.

“Ute Me” – Lee Kernaghan

This song reminds me of my longest and dearest friend Maria.  It brings a smile to my face and reminds me of a lazy afternoon mission to take Christmas photos of my nephew puppy Turbo complete with a reindeer headband and tinsel.  It was interesting to say the least, but will forever be stuck with me when I hear this song.  Ultimately it just reminds me how lucky I am to have met one of my favourite people in the world.

"Betcha by golly wow" - Prince

And lastly, whether it be this song or any song sung by the legend that is Prince, I am always reminded of the most important person in my life, my father.  A love of Prince music is something we have always shared and will forever continue to share.   

Join in the fun and share the songs from your life soundtrack.  Please leave your life songs in the comments section below.

Romantic Ideas for Men From Real Women

Psst… Excuse me guys! I’ll let you in on a little secret…. Woman are fully aware that the legend of Don Juan is nothing more than a tale of a fictional libertine that could make every woman fall under his spell and weak at the knees. We know that grand romantic gestures have their place on the big screen in the latest flick starring Johnny Depp and Rachel McAdams, or the latest Nicholas Sparks book, but ultimately that they portray an unrealistic expectation for love of our time in the real world. When it comes down to what makes a women gush, it’s the small gestures that really count.

To give all the clueless men out there an idea of what real woman consider romantic here is a list of romantic hints suggested by women of the real world. Don’t be shy gentlemen; show your woman you have a little romanticism within you after all by putting some of these ideas to use.

• “A man who looks after me when I am drunk.” – Alisha 
• “When a man does the cooking and cleaning without being asked.” – Suzie 
• “A simple text message or poem to show that they are thinking about you.” – Margaret 
• “Spontaneously reliving inside jokes that only the two of you are privy too.” – Tiffany 
• “When I think romantic I think surprises.” – Melissa 
• “A bunch of flowers sent to me at work… for no reason at all.” – Melanie 
• “Pulling out chairs and opening doors, a sure sign for me that chivalry isn't dead.” – Annie 
• "I like when I come home from work and he has the whole house cleaned, bed made nicely, dinner prepared, then he cooks while I get to relax, then we lay and snuggle with a movie." - Nikki 
• "When my partner goes to the shop without me and I tell him to get me a surprise and he brings me home a book." - Leigh 
• "When a man knows exactly how to put a smile on your face without having to ask him" - G 
• "A man who cooks and cleans for you." - Patricia 
• "When your partner pays attention to everything you say and remembers the little details." - Minjo 
• "A man that is not afraid to tell you he loves you." - Stacey 
• "Someone who compliments you on your efforts in your appearance." - Eva 
• "Someone that introduces you as the best thing that's ever happened to them." - Laura 
• "Someone who stops on the way home to pick up your favourite dessert." - Kate 
• "Getting a foot massage while relaxing on the couch." - Joan 
• "A man that randomly tucks your hair behind your ear or kisses you on the forehead or cheek." - Rachel 
• "A man who tells you everyday how beautiful you are." Justine 
• "A man who rings you every night when he is away from you, just so he can hear your voice and tell you how much you mean to him and how much he loves you." - Ingrid

At the end of the day think small gestures that are personal. This will be easier the more you know the person you are trying to be romantic for. Any woman will appreciate gestures (big or small) that suggest to her that she is important enough to you, for you to have made the effort.

So what-do-ya know guys, us women are actually really easy to please.  Remember to think romantic thoughts... The woman in your life will make it worth while! :) And to the ladies that read this blog, please feel free to put your suggestions in the comment box below.

I will leave you with the famous quote from the 1994 film Don Juan DeMarco: 

"There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love." 

Common mistakes couples make in long distance relationships

Do not refuse to get a webcam – put your self-consciousness aside and invest in a webcam.  There is no better way to keep yourself invested in your efforts of a long distance relationship then seeing your partners’ facial expressions when you talk to each other.  It is important to remember that men in particular are very visual people. 

Assume your partner knows how you feel – Do not stop talking to your partner about how you feel.  Just because you are sharing the situation does not mean you shouldn’t share how it makes you feel and definitely do not neglect to let them know they still mean the world to you. 

Taking your partner for granted – do not make the mistake of taking your partner for granted. Do not stop making effort because you assume you always have your partner.  Long distance relationships require more effort than a no distance relationship to keep the love and spark alive and kicking.  Do not lose appreciation for the connection that was too strong to call it quits when you become separated.

Not having a plan – do not be blasé about what is to come or have the attitude that you will take it as it comes.  Have a plan of where you would like to be in the future.  Make a plan as to visits and keeping each other close even though you are far apart.

Accusations of the unknown – Long distance relationships come with their fair share of paranoid feelings of what your partner is up to and who they are with.  Do not let this take over and find yourself accusing your partner of something you have no proof of ever happening.  Trust is key; no relationship can survive without trust.  Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.  Have faith that they love you too much to through it away on a fling when you are apart.

Ignoring the life that’s in front of you – succumbing to your loneliness will only make it that much harder for you to deal with what is.  Go on about the life that is right in front of you.  Do not allow yourself to sit by the phone and pine away for the next time you get to hear your partner’s voice.  Keep yourself busy, but not so busy that you can never be reached when your partner is able to contact you.

7 Stages of Grief

1. SHOCK 
Losing someone you love can be one of the most excruciating things that come with life.  You find yourself looking down on your body in such a state of shock that you find yourself numb to the reality and on some level even denying the truth merely out of disbelief.  This is an emotional security that gets mournful people through the initial heart-wrenching pain.  There are no set times for these stages in the grieving process as everyone’s experience is different. But this state of denial can last weeks.

2. PAIN
Sooner or later the reality will take over your primary shock and denial and be replaced with near unbearable pain.  A lot of people make many bad choices to break away from this pain and feel anything else.  Alcohol and drugs are not the solution to this stage.  It is crucial to your grieving process that you feel the blunt of your loss and feel the full extent of what has happened.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING Frustration comes next and causes no shortage of anger.  You may lash out and blame others for your loss.  It is important to do all you can to control this.  There is no point in causing permanent damage to your relationships with the people who are still with you. Find other ways to release your bottled up emotions.  Bargaining with a higher power also occurs during this time.  Your faith becomes apparent as you beg the powers that be to bring this person back to you, all the while making promises and bargains that you wouldn’t otherwise be considering.

4. DEPRESSION A long phase of reflection and sadness follows the anger and bargaining.  Perhaps because you realise that not even a higher power can bring this person back and that you have no choice but to go on with life alone.  Depression is a normal stage of the grieving process and should not be avoided.  People may try and get you out of this stage, but it is important that you take the time to accept what is and process it to its full extent.

5. THE UPWARD TURN Your depression will begin to fade slowly once you find yourself adjusting to a life without the person you have lost.  Life will eventually become easier and structure will return as you come at peace with your loss.

6. RECONSTRUCTION  When you begin thinking realistically and more clearly again you will be able to see solutions to problems that have arisen as a result of your loss.  You will start to reconstruct your life to continue without your loved one.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE The final phase in the seven stages of grief reward you with acceptance and hope for your future.  Acceptance does not promise immediate happiness, but given the rollercoaster of emotions that you have experience during your grief, it is important to remember that if you can get to this point after that, then a way forward is at arm’s length.  It will never be okay that someone is gone, but it does get easier.  Eventually you will find yourself in a place that you can look back on the memories of your loved one with a smile on your face as opposed to tears in your eyes, a place that brings hope for a redesigned future.