So, your partner is depressed…

Depression has a nasty way of affecting not only the person experiencing it, but the people that they hold dear as well.  Here are a few things to keep in mind as a partner of someone going through such a difficult time.  The time frame of this disease is different for everyone and at the end of the day support is all you can offer.  Find your own way of letting them know that you are there for them.  Consistency is admirable and significant in times such as this.

Moodiness – Depression can leave people moody, sad and irritable. Uncontrollable outbursts can happen at any moment. Unfortunately it’s all in the territory and is not to be taken personally.  Hopelessness can be a very frustrating emotion and can lead to unpredictable moods.  It is important to remember that a mood of a person does not define them, as depression does not define them.  They are still the person you fell in love with and something such as depression which is beyond control should not change this.

Lack of Sexual Interest – In times of serious depression anything more than sleeping can be a huge effort, so it is no surprise that sexual drive can be lost along with it.  Some use sex as an escape for the pain.  Others cannot get out of their heads long enough to enjoy something that once was so intimate.  Keep in mind that the ability to reach orgasm is also a common side effect of depression whether one has chosen medication or not.

Shut Down and Pulling Away – Day to day tasks are in themselves a challenge for your partner right now.  If you feel like they are shutting you out or pulling away from you, it is almost certainly not because they no longer love you or that you are the cause of their unhappiness.  It is more likely the result of them not having the energy to pretend they are feeling different then how they actually feel.  Do not automatically assume that you are the cause or that your efforts are not significant enough to take away the pain.  It’s higher than your abilities/influence at the moment.  

   

Depressing Atmosphere  – Depression can be a draining experience and this often rubs off on the people close to the depressed.  Take some time out for yourself.  Constantly witnessing your partners lows can often lead to feeling the effect yourself.  So be sure to take some time away from that atmosphere and do something you deem fun and fulfilling.

It is easy to give in to the belief that things will never turn around or change to the happiness that once was were discontentment now resides.  If you stay as positive as you can and endure the negatives, you will see that there is always light at the end of the tunnel; even though you are unaware of how fast you are going and therefore unable to determine how long it will take to get there.  A better day is just beyond the horizon of a day to come.

Common causes of depression

We have all experienced those dark periods in our lives where drinking the day away, sleeping as much as humanly possible, or doing something stupid or full of risk proves far more appealing then sitting in a dark room being trapped with our own thoughts, unable to shake or escape the pain.  There are many reasons that can lead to this dark place, but here are a few common reasons that can bring people down.

Opinions of others - Perhaps the most common cause of depression is the opinion of others.  At the end of the day, you do not need to be around people who make you feel bad about yourself.  Their opinion should be void because they obviously do not know you as well as the people who are in your life for no other reason then that they want to be.  These are the people worth listening too.  These are the people who know you, so it is their opinion that really counts.  Don't waste your time dwelling on the opinions of people who do not deserve to be of any significance in your life.

Opinions of ourselves - Often it is our own strict opinions of ourselves and where we think we should be in that particular point in our lives that get us feeling worthless and/or disappointed in ourselves.  It is important for our emotional stability to focus on all the things that we have accomplished in our lives and to remember all the amazing people in our lives that choose to be in it because they care about us and enjoy being around the person we are, even if all we can see are our own flaws.

Focusing on the negatives -  It is only human to see the negatives in our lives over the positives.  Some situations leave us in a need to be by ourselves which leads us to think too much, causing us to relive negative moments or look too deep into situations that manifest into a lot of "what ifs" and "maybes" that 9/10 times have no basis in reality.  Although it is hard to be around people when you are feeling depressed, it is more harmful to allow yourself the alone time to dwell on things that be, or more often then not, things that we convince ourselves that are.

Unhealthy workplace - Some may think that this is a silly reason to get down, but if you are unhappy in the workplace where you spend most of your time, it is no surprise that it is bringing you down in other areas of your life.  It is easier said then done to leave your work at work.  Yes it is vital to a living that we work, but it is also important for your happiness to fight like hell to work in a place that you can be yourself and feel appreciated.  In order to be happy in other areas of your life, you must also be able to enjoy the environment in which you spend most of your time.

Struggling with everyday necessities - It can often feel like all that hard work you do is for nothing.  Once pay day comes and bills chip at your hard earned cash, you often have nothing left to show for all the effort you have put in during the week.  Everyday necessities are expensive and you should not be hard on yourself if you find  yourself struggling to keep your head above water.  As living expenses rise and wages comfortably stay at minimum, it is no wonder that struggles are apart of your daily life.  You can only work so hard, do not place unrealistic expectations on yourself because of the realities of the times we are in.

We would all do well to remember that at some point in our lives, everyone has felt that they are not good enough or trying hard enough.  Do not be ashamed of these thoughts.  If you feel you need help, do not be afraid to ask for it.  There is nothing worse then bottling up depressing feelings.  Help is always there if you are strong enough to admit you need it and are not afraid to seek it.  Your family and friends will be supportive and try their best to help you in your time of need.  Sometimes this does not always do the trick, but remember that your doctor is always there to help you without judgement.  There is nothing shameful about admitting that you need some help.

For more useful information on depression please visit beyond blue.