Common signs of a cheating spouse

It is not always as obvious as finding lipstick on their collar or finding random underwear that doesn’t belong to you.  But more often than not, the signs of someone’s infidelity are there.  Here are a few signs that you might be missing.  With this being said, do not automatically assume that your partner is guilty of betrayal just because you are experiencing one of these points.  Generally there will be more than one sign of your partner’s unfaithfulness.

Sex? No thanks – If you and your partner have never had issues in the bedroom and he/she suddenly cannot be seduced, it can be a sure fire sign that they are getting it elsewhere.  Sexual appetite rarely changes overnight.  And if it does, there’s always a reason for it. 

Body Image Issues – If your partner is suddenly worried about their physical appearance when they were generally unbothered, but you now see them trading in the couch for getting friendly with a stair master, you might concern yourself with why they suddenly care about something that they have never worried about before.  One must ask, they know you love them for the way they are, so why the need for a tight ass or chizzled abs now?

Never wanting to spend time together – You once wanted to spend every second together sharing in mindless conversation and makeout sessions that could last hours at a time.  It didn’t matter what you were doing ranging from doing the dishes together to just watching TV, as long as you were doing it together and now they are avoiding spending time with you and prefers to be by themselves.  Or when they do want to be with you, it’s in a place that others will be.  This can be seen as cause for concern. 

“Overtime” – your partner all of a sudden becomes the most hardworking employee when they have always had the attitude of “9 -5 that’s me, I’m done.” This doesn’t automatically mean that your partner is cheating on you, but if they seem to be the only one putting in the hard yards without the knowledge of their co-workers, then there maybe something more to it.

Disappearing act – If you wake up at all hours of the night to find that your partner is not there in the bed beside you and hasn’t let you know where they are going or just generally acting weird or nervous then you will start to wonder why they are no longer being themselves around you and questioning what it is they have to hide.

Contraceptive Change – If you and your partner haven’t used contraception for years and all of a sudden condoms are being urged to be used or your partner has never used the pill and now you can find them religiously taken it the same hour of each day even though you have had a vasectomy…. Yeah things do not look good.  

Overprotection of phone – If your partner no longer lets you surf the net on his phone when he has never had a problem with, then there is a good chance that he is hiding something.

Always remember that there is no excuse for infidelity and that it is an unforgivable act.  If you would like to know the reasoning for this statement you can see my blog Once a cheater always a cheater.

Stress Management Tips

It is easy to get snowed under in the workplaces of today.  Expectations of us become higher and wages fail to increase to match the workload.  This can cause a tremendous amount of stress, particularly if it is already in your nature to do so.  However if you are in a job where you feel you don’t get paid enough to stress over your workload or not being able to live up to what is expected of you, chose not to stress by following these simple tips.

Change your response – You can choose not to let the office know-it-alls get you down and pressure you with jobs that they are no doubt capable of doing themselves.  If it is less important than tasks already on your to do list, then inform them that they will have to wait or alternatively if it is that important they will have to take care of it for themselves.

Prioritise – The ability to determine what is urgent and what can wait is of most importance.  Learn to prioritise and accept that you are only human and there are only so many hours in a day.  Start each day with the most important and work up to those tasks that aren’t so essential.

Don’t be afraid to say no – If your in tray is already piling up in the direction of the ceiling and you cannot possibly take on anymore, do not be afraid to say no.  If this is looked down on in your workplace, try seeking help from others in the office that are not so busy.

Find light in every situation – Find a reason to laugh every day.  If you find yourself starting to stress take a step back and do something for 5mins that is bound to perk you up.  Do not allow yourself to reach boiling point.  This will minimise the effects of stress and hopefully help you avoid it entirely.

Plan Things to look forward too – Having something in the near future to look forward too can often relieve the effects of stress.  If you know that you have a reward coming, the never-ending workload seems easier to bear.

At the end of the day, nothing is worth the stress.  You have it in your power to avoid letting things make you stressed out. Take each day as it comes and do not force yourself to do any more then you can comfortably handle.

So, your partner is depressed…

Depression has a nasty way of affecting not only the person experiencing it, but the people that they hold dear as well.  Here are a few things to keep in mind as a partner of someone going through such a difficult time.  The time frame of this disease is different for everyone and at the end of the day support is all you can offer.  Find your own way of letting them know that you are there for them.  Consistency is admirable and significant in times such as this.

Moodiness – Depression can leave people moody, sad and irritable. Uncontrollable outbursts can happen at any moment. Unfortunately it’s all in the territory and is not to be taken personally.  Hopelessness can be a very frustrating emotion and can lead to unpredictable moods.  It is important to remember that a mood of a person does not define them, as depression does not define them.  They are still the person you fell in love with and something such as depression which is beyond control should not change this.

Lack of Sexual Interest – In times of serious depression anything more than sleeping can be a huge effort, so it is no surprise that sexual drive can be lost along with it.  Some use sex as an escape for the pain.  Others cannot get out of their heads long enough to enjoy something that once was so intimate.  Keep in mind that the ability to reach orgasm is also a common side effect of depression whether one has chosen medication or not.

Shut Down and Pulling Away – Day to day tasks are in themselves a challenge for your partner right now.  If you feel like they are shutting you out or pulling away from you, it is almost certainly not because they no longer love you or that you are the cause of their unhappiness.  It is more likely the result of them not having the energy to pretend they are feeling different then how they actually feel.  Do not automatically assume that you are the cause or that your efforts are not significant enough to take away the pain.  It’s higher than your abilities/influence at the moment.  

   

Depressing Atmosphere  – Depression can be a draining experience and this often rubs off on the people close to the depressed.  Take some time out for yourself.  Constantly witnessing your partners lows can often lead to feeling the effect yourself.  So be sure to take some time away from that atmosphere and do something you deem fun and fulfilling.

It is easy to give in to the belief that things will never turn around or change to the happiness that once was were discontentment now resides.  If you stay as positive as you can and endure the negatives, you will see that there is always light at the end of the tunnel; even though you are unaware of how fast you are going and therefore unable to determine how long it will take to get there.  A better day is just beyond the horizon of a day to come.