Musical Guilty Pleasures

There is no secret that we all have musical guilty pleasures hidden within ourselves, only to be shared behind closed doors or wound up windows of our vehicles, hoping that no-one is reading the words on our lips as we pelt out the lines of the chorus. After watching the Glee episode "Guilty Pleasures" it made me realize that I am a big culprit of musical guilty pleasures being as I loved every song performed in the episode! I am curious to know, what are everyone else's musical guilty pleasures?  Those songs or bands that you are ashamed to admit you LOVE!  I'll share mine if you share yours :)  The following 5 tracks can be found on my iPod, bringing on a quick change of the tune when someone else accompanies me in the car before they can detect it's a song ancient enough to be recorded off an old record.  However they get cranking when I'm on my own.

1.    Jimmy Soul - If you wanna be happy - 1963

2. The Chordettes - Lollipop - 1958

3. The Kingsmen - Louie Louie - 1963

 4. Buddy Holly - Everyday - 1957

 5. The Everly Brothers - All I Have to do is Dream - 1958

So once you all pick yourselves up off the floor from that laughter caused by my personal musical guilty pleasures, please share any of your own.  If you dare :)  

Is it wise to stay friends after a break-up?

Whether a break-up is messy or not remaining friends after a failed relationship is hard.  Some may even deem the idea un-realistic.  It is easy to turn a friendship into love, but harder if not impossible to remain friends after a  relationship has come to an end.  Here are a few reasons that staying friends with an ex is nothing more than a bad idea.

Residual feelings – There are still residual feelings that prevent you from moving on as you should.  As long as you are interacting with your ex, you will hold on to these feelings and be preventing yourself from letting go and starting fresh.  A broken relationship is much like grieving; you have to let yourself go through the process or you will never come to terms with the loss. 

“It’s just sex” – Break up sex is practically unavoidable when two people remain friends after a relationship.  If you are both of a active healthy sexual appetite it will be hard for you to avoid your sexual urges.  And although the dumpee tells themselves that it’s just body parts, on a microscopic level, they are keeping the bond alive even if they do not want to admit it.  Being so close to your ex keeps the relationship alive.

You will not find mr/mrs right – In the end, all you are doing is opening yourself up to more pain and prolonging the hurt that comes with an ended relationship. There is a reason that you are no longer together.  Acceptance is the only way to put it in the past and having that constant reminder in your life of a failed love is damaging.  You will need that distance to find the right person for you.

Wishful thinking – If you were the dumpee you will always hold hope that your ex will change their mind about how they feel about your relationship.  The dumper is the one who initiates the “let’s be friends” idea, but will always keep the dumpee in the past.  Don’t waste time on someone who failed to see your potential and worth.   

I cannot tell you what is best for you or what you need during such a painful time.  And I am the first to admit how hard this advice is to follow.  But deep down I know it is best for me.  It just takes time to be open to letting go.  I can however tell you that I have wasted many years trying to prove to myself that keeping an ex in my life was possible.  Experience has proved me wrong.  Even if you can find that medium, once either of you find someone else the friendship becomes void.   So much time and effort wasted for something that can’t possibly last.

I will leave you with the words of Carrie Bradshaw: “The most important break-up rule.  No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends.”  Take as much time as you need to say goodbye to your past and greet your future with an enthusiastic hello.

Things to consider before entering a long distance relationship

Long Distance Relationships are not impossible but you have to be realistic and understand that they are a lot of hard work.  You need to both be willing to make the effort to keep the connection alive otherwise you will end up feeling that you are living separate lives, instead of the one you should be living together.  Here are a few things to consider before going down that road.

Are you a jealous person?  If you are the jealous type this may pose a problem.  The distance between you and your existing or potential partner means you can never be 100% sure of what they are doing or who they are with.  It all comes down to trust and if you know you are the jealous type then you may not be able to handle the paranoia that comes with a long distances relationships dooming separation.

Is the distance between you going to be on-going? You have to ask if the distance is for a short term or a long term.  If your partner is only going away for a certain amount of time to achieve a goal then this is one thing, but if it is a suspected lifestyle choice this is something you have to consider if you could live with.  If your relationship is all about phone calls, text messages, Skype, emails and Facebook instead of physical contact, is that something you really want for yourself or could handle for the long term? 

Savings and travel?  Ask yourself how much money you have and if your savings can withstand all these visits back and forth just to be able to see each other.  You cannot expect one person to be doing all the travelling.  You need to make the effort to fill in the distance between you, in order to keep the relationship alive. 

How busy are you? If you do not have much going on in your life besides your relationship with said person, this may not be a sensible option for you.  If you are busy in your everyday life and have hobbies to keep you occupied and prevent you from dwelling on the loneliness then a Long Distance Relationship will be easier for you to withstand.

Do you want the same things?  If you are going to take a chance on trusting someone with your heart, whether Long Distance or otherwise, it is important to know if you want the same things.  If compromising is on the horizon of major desires for life it is important you know about them before making this decision.  If you are fighting for different things or having to sacrifice what you want for your future just to be together, you have to ask yourself if this is worth it?

At the end of the day, you know what you can handle as a person.  If you are strong enough to handle all that comes with your partner being somewhere other than where you are, then there is no reason you shouldn’t give it a shot, particularly if your feelings for that person are worth pursuing or continuing.  Unfortunately whether there’s a million miles in between you and your partner or you live under the same roof, there are no guarantees when it comes to relationships.  It all comes down to taking a leap of faith and trusting that your feelings are matched by your partner and that you are compatible enough to last the distance.

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Tips to help with fears of abandonment

Identify your fear – It is easier to overcome an issue if you come to terms with it first.  Accept your fear and make efforts to conquer it.  Do not push it in the background and just accept that it’s the way you are meant to be.  Overcoming a fear can be a long process, but avoidance is never the answer and can prevent you from living a fulfilling life and opening up to love. 

Determine the source – fears such as this rarely come from nowhere.  Experiences in your life generally hold the key to why it is you fear abandonment.  Locating the source of your apprehension is the first step to tackling the problem and until this is done, you cannot conquer your fear. Often it is when you are most happy that your fear emerges to ruin what you have.

Deal with the past - Sometimes occurrences can be hard to remember due to your human defense of shutting experiences out to avoid pain of living with it.  Do not be ashamed to seek a therapists help to dig deeper into yourself to find the cause.  Let the events of your past go.  It is only then, that you will be able to open the doors to a fear free future.  Often our fears are what hold us back from what it is we want.  By fearing everyone will leave you, your distrust pushes them away. 

Don’t categorize people – If you have been hurt by someone do not automatically assume that everyone is going to hurt you. Allowing ourselves to over-generalize following the occurrence that has brought on our fear only prevents us from trusting another person.  Just because you have been cheated on by a man does not mean that all men can’t be trusted.  Just because someone you loved left you, doesn’t mean that everyone you love is going to leave you.  

Take things as they come – Enjoy each moment that is presented in your relationships.  Painful experiences are all par for the course but I strongly believe that people come into our lives for a reason no less significant than the reasons they leave.  If something bad happens, then believe there is a reason for it.  There is no point in worrying about something that may never come to pass.  If you fear the negatives all your life you will be blind to the positives. Do not allow yourself to avoid a committed relationship for fear it will not last.